


Wonderland

by AntiWonderland, DramaticSilence



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: BigBrother!Andy, Cafe AU, F/M, Happy Ending, I won't ruin the surprise in the tags dw, Mechanic!Pete, Plot Twist, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Romance, Teen just to be safe, cheating (kinda), don't need to know the fandom to get the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntiWonderland/pseuds/AntiWonderland, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticSilence/pseuds/DramaticSilence
Summary: After a scary encounter with a knife-wielding maniac in your café, your overprotective half-brother Andy enlists the help of shy, awkward Patrick Stumph.He manages to unravel your life for the better, but you find underneath the ensuing intoxicating romance is a danger threatening to tear it all to shreds.





	1. High School Reunion For Two

**Author's Note:**

> hope y'all enjoy the fruits of my summer labour. Reviews and CC welcome. Does it get better? Does it get worse? You decide.  
> Fic by DramaticSilence. Co-author helped me upload the beginning xo

 

> Your day has been nothing but busy as customers filtered in and out of your small, pastel coloured coffee shop - both new faces and regulars alike. This was good news as your step-brother Andy had been subsidising the whole business for far too long, but it had still left you feeling breathless. As you serve the final customer of the day, you see a man in a black hoodie come in and queue behind them. You think about telling him to leave, but feel too positive about the direction of the day and so decide to serve him anyway. As he approaches the counter he keeps his  head bowed so you can't see his face.

"What can I getcha?" You ask as sunnily as you can manage, trying to get a glimpse of the man's face but failing as he ducks it down further.   
"Coffee. Black." he murmurs and you frown slightly but get to work, silently hoping that nobody else will come in so you can close up. Finishing up, you go to hand him the coffee.  
"$2.10." you say, smiling, but the moment you stick your hand out he viscously pushes the coffee so it spills on your hand, scalding you as he goes to get what looks to be a knife from his pocket. Just at that moment, the cafe door opens and the mysterious figure shoves you out of the way to try and get to the cash register.

                      **

You open your eyes to find yourself in your apartment, an on-edge Andy hovering by your bedside. The moment he spots that you're awake his body sags in relief.  
"Oh god Y/N, are you OK?" He fusses, touching your forehead with the back of his hand. You blink blearily and try to sit up, but the ringing in your ears is too much and you slump back down.   
"What....what happened?" You croak, your voice barely audible.  
"I came in after work to check on you and found you getting stuck up by some wannabe criminal. You've been unconscious all night, but I thought it was better to leave you to wake up by yourself." His brow furrows.  
"Do you remember who attacked you? They managed to get away before I could take then down. But they don't have much time to live if I can help it..." he growls but you raise a hand to try and calm him. Andy has always been a protective older brother, even if you were only half-related to him.

His parents had separated and your shared father had 'played the field', resulting in you. You had spent the first few years of your life living with your British mother, who had wanted nothing to do with your genetic father and had moved back to England with you to ensure she didn't have to worry about him trying to claim visitation rights. Your memories from that time are blurry. From what you've been told, you were living in a sub-standard council flat, barely with enough money to eat. The only reason you are not dead is that the bailiffs happened to break in in time to discover you, a crying child, in the arms of your dead mother.

Your family don't like to talk about how she died and to be honest the question has never really plagued you. Your father happened to see the news story, recognise your mother, and flew out to England to take custody. By this point, Andy's birth parents had got back together, but the woman you now called mother had never been anything but kind and loving to you. You still maintain a slight English accent that you just can't shake, even after years of living in the US. Andy tells you it's cute, but it always makes you feel out of place - a reminder you don't _really_  belong.

From your first memory of him, Andy has gone out of his way to protect you and to make your life better. Even now he works a mind-numbing job programming software for an insurance firm rather than pursue his dreams as a motorbike racer, just so he has enough money to help you pursue yours.

You try not to think about it too much, else you'll try and shout him out of it again - but the picking up of business recently might mean in the future you can help him follow his passion. For now, though, you can't really get by without him, and his stormy face hovering beside you reminds you of how lucky you are to have someone like him looking out for you.

"N..no And'... I think I must have burned myself..." You look down at your right hand, which is red and angry; at least as far as you can see without your glasses. Even the touch of the sheets is irritating it, but you try not to let your discomfort show. "What time is it?" You say as happily as you can manage.

"8:54." Andy replies, still concernedly studying your face, and at this, your eyebrows almost shoot off your face.

"Don't you need to be at work?" You reprimand, he goes to protest but you interrupt. "Don't worry about me And', I'll be fine." You insist. He frowns but you stare him down and he sighs, leaning forward and gently kissing you on the forehead.

"I'll be back around 6," he murmurs, "...with Chinese food." your eyes light up at the end of his sentence and he laughs.  
"Oh, and by the way" he adds, "there's no way you’re getting out of that bed. I called in a few favours and someone is watching the shop for you. Just stay there and focus on getting better." You go to protest, but he's already out of the room. Secretly, you are relieved. You can barely manage to lift your head, let alone get up. Maybe a day of bed rest is all you need. 

                      **

You drift into a gentle sleep and awake at about one in the afternoon, feeling ravenous but overall much better. You notice your hand is burning less and attempt to raise your head - you don't feel dizzy - good start.

After a couple of attempts you manage to get up successfully, feeling almost entirely normal again and resolve that you should go and take over from whomever your brother has stuck behind the counter. Luckily for you, you live above where you work - Andy had bought up the entire building and you both live in the spacious, yet homely apartment above. You almost run down the stairs, taking them two at a time before coming to the door that opened out into "Wonderland". You expect to see either one of Andy's best friends Pete or Joe - probably Pete as even with two jobs he's left with plenty of free time, whereas Joe works a pretty inflexible 9-5.

Instead, you see a short sandy blond man with your serving apron hanging loose around him, serving one of your favourite regulars and a trilby balanced precariously on his head.

"Um..." You begin, trying not to startle him. ".... did Andy force you into helping...? Thank you for looking after the place, hope it wasn't too much trouble. I am so sorry by the way." You vigorously apologise to the man, and he smiles softly at you.

"Hi, um... Yeah. I'm Patrick, Pete's friend. Don't worry about it, I owed your brother a favour after he helped me fix my drum kit." he scratches the back of his head. "No biggie." You stand there awkwardly for a moment, just surveying the man Andy entrusted your coffee shop to.

"Um, you don't have to stay." You blurt out suddenly, breaking the silence. "I'm sure I can cope now." But Patrick shakes his head firmly.

"I'm under strict instruction to stay until your brother gets home. No ifs, no buts." He insists. You are slightly pissed off at this, _I can cope fully well by myself_  you think. But alas, it seems as if you aren't getting rid of Patrick, so may as well make him useful, _plus he is pretty easy on the eye,_  you consider.

"Fine. But if you're going to stay, you need to fix that apron." You grab the two hanging loose strings, having to wrap your arms around the man's waist to do so, and tying them in a neat bow at the back. When you turn back to speak to Patrick you notice his cheeks are dusted pink and he kind of looks like a deer caught in headlights."Oh, and also..." Your eyes turn to his trilby. "There's no way you can wear that hat back here." His expression falls further and he looks so dreadfully miserable as he goes to take it off that you almost relent.

_Almost_. 

It's not as busy as yesterday at the moment so you decide to leave Patrick alone for a bit, so you can grab some lunch. You don't really trust this man, you've only known him a grand total of five minutes - but he seems vaguely familiar... You just can't quite put your finger on it.

As you eat, you try to think,  _where have I seen him before!?_  But to no avail.  You get back just in time to watch a group of giggling teens get handed their coffee. You're pretty sure one of them slips Patrick her number, but you don't really care so don't pay much attention to it.

"Hey...um... Patrick?" You ask and he turns around abruptly, looking slightly flustered. You wonder if this had all been too much for him, but he seems to have done a good job so far. "This is gonna sound really weird, but do I know you from somewhere?" Patrick's face reddens further and his eyes widen. He's about to open his mouth when it hits you.

_Is that Patrick Stumph...?_  You think, _From high school!? Oh god, puberty hit him hard._  
" _Patrick Stumph_?" You ask, and for some reason, he looks terrified. "You were in the year above me at Springdale High... I think we were in a group for the archaeology club Big Dig at some point too!" The relief that crosses his face worries you slightly.

"Yeah, I remember." He says, voice as relieved as his face. "Didn't you recognise me?" He smiles when he asks but it looks slightly fake and his eyes are sad.

"I am so sorry." You pause and laugh, about to explain how you couldn't match the undeniably handsome face of this Patrick to the acne-ridden, awkward face of the Patrick you'd known. He was a very quiet boy in high school, a bit of a band kid, so you had never really talked to him much before the Big Dig, although you had always noticed him walking through the cafeteria with the other band kids, deep in conversation and almost always smiling. _This Patrick isn't smiling anywhere near as much,_  you think. Before you get to explain all of this, however, another customer walks in and Patrick rushes to serve them.

The rest of the day is non-stop, even with two of you. By closing time you are exhausted, and by the looks of things so is Patrick.

As the last customer leaves and you turn the door sign to 'CLOSED' Patrick smiles at you. It's the same smile as you remember from high school, bright and carefree.

"We did it!" He grins, eyes sparkling and you just about manage to smile back.

"Just about." you reply tiredly, ready for a long sleep and some of that joyfully greasy Chinese food. As that thought enters your mind the back entrance opens and in walks Andy - Chinese food in hand.

"Y/N!" He goes to walk toward you, then notices Patrick. "Oh, yeah, thanks for watching the place, 'Trick." He gestures to the Chinese food, "There's enough for three if you fancy joining." Patrick shakes his head.

"I'd love to, but I have like no free time in the evenings" the sad smile is back and he goes to gather up his things. "It was no problem, though, Andy." Andy smiles at him gratefully.

"Consider your debt repaid." he smiles and slaps the shorter man on the shoulder friendlily as he places his trilby on his head and darts out the door.


	2. Noodles, Babysitting and Shattered Cups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 here we go!! Not really sure how often we'll update but its probably looking like once or twice a week. Hope you like this one :)

It's later in the evening and you're tucking into your Chinese banquet.  
"Where'd you find that one?" You said through a mouthful of noodles, referring to the short pale man that had been helping you all afternoon. Andy frowns at your manners but answers the question anyway.

"He's one of Pete's closest friends. I think he knows him from work or something. I fixed up his drum kit a few weeks back for nothing, so he owed me one. Apparently he's free all day most days so he was my best bet. You have any problems today?" You shake your head.

"No, not really. Turns out we used to go to school together." Andy raises his eyebrows in surprise. "You remember the Big Dig trip I went on" He nods. "I'm pretty sure we were in a team together." You pause and Andy looks curious. "I'm kinda pissed that you told him to hang around though. I _can_ cope on my own yaknow And'." Your brother shakes his head.

"I think I was proved right yesterday. You need someone else there, preferably someone who could cope if anything went wrong." Now it's your turn to raise your eyebrows.

"And you think 'scrawny' Patrick can?" You ask referring to the less-than-kind nickname the man had earned in school. Andy's brow furrows heavily.

"Don't be so cruel Y/N, firstly he's a perfectly nice guy, secondly he's a lot stronger than he looks - I've seen him beat Pete in an arm wrestle a couple times." You blush in embarrassment at your unfair comment and Andy continues. "Let's get it out there sis. I am _not_ comfortable with you being alone there all day. Not at all. If you'll let me, I'll offer Patrick a job here, if you really hate him that much I can look for someone else but this is the last word. Either you are getting help, or the whole thing goes." His expression is stern and you know from experience there is no point arguing.

"I don't _hate_ Patrick" you murmur sulkily into your noodles.

"Speak up." Andy replies, taunting.

 **"I don't** _ **hate**_ **Patrick"** you repeat unnecessarily loudly and Andy smirks in victory.

"Patrick it is, then." he says cheerily, but you maintain a sulky expression. You did not want, or need, help in your shop. Well, you _had_ been struggling with the queues a bit recently... And there had been the almost-mugging.... But you still aren't some little hopeless waif that needs one of Andy's friends to protect you, and certainly not someone that reminds you of your terribly awkward high school self. Still, he's probably better than whomever else Andy would have dug up had you said no to him, _and he isn't too bad looking_. You reprimand yourself for your thoughts, but it's true - sometimes you need a little distraction while you're working and having an assistant that isn't horrifically deformed is a good start. Plus, Andy seems content, and you don't feel like ruining it. So you just sulkily finish your noodles in silence.

 

                                                                                     **

 

It's early the next day, and Andy bursts into your room.

"Rise and shine, sis!" He smiles cheekily at you. "I spoke to Pete last night, he says that Patrick is free all weekdays in the day time, which in my mind means he'll be thirsting for a job. Imma ask him this evening and if all goes well he should start tomorrow." You frown at him but his expression doesn't slip. "I gotta go to work, but I'll see you this evening." He finishes, ruffling your hair and promptly exiting.

You turn and look at the clock which reads "8:04", _better get up,_ you think and begin to do exactly that. You are practiced at doing this fast at this point in your life and manage to make it down for opening  at  8:30. As you open the door you hear rustling from inside and bristle, remembering your recent experience.

You grab the closest object, readying yourself for a fight and slam the door wide open. Inside lies Pete, sitting at one of the few tables, reading a newspaper. He looks up at you and bursts out laughing. You look down and see that you are currently wielding a dirty old wellington boot and drop it in sudden disgust, which makes Pete laugh harder.

"What the hell were you going to do with that?!" He chokes out through mouthfuls of laughter. "Throw it at me?" At this mental image he laughs even harder slamming his newspaper onto the table and almost falling of his chair. You frown sulkily and begin setting up to open.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here anyway Pete?" You grumble, going to open the door. "And how the hell did you get in?" Pete smirks at you, condescending.

"Your good old brother set me up to keep an eye on you, Sugar. And - " he dangles a set of keys in front of you. "I have a key." Your frown deepens but Pete just finds your sulkiness cute and chuckles at your miserable expression. "Although you obviously have great defences…" he gestures his head to the boot halfway across the floor. "It's probably safer if I stay here." His expression hardens. "You know as well as I do that the crime rate in this city has gone to shit." You sigh sadly and his face warms again. "You won't even know I'm here, Sugar." He teases and goes back to his newspaper.

You and Pete's relationship is an odd one. He and Andy have been friends for almost their whole lives, so  Pete was like another, more annoying, brother to you, (despite the fact you crushed hard on him for a year or so in your adolescence, which he wouldn't let go of and teased you about almost constantly) but you also have a pretty good friendship going yourself. Pete is easy to hang around with and always seems to be able to get into the best places in town with almost no notice. This confuses you a little, as his primary occupation is managing the chain of mechanic garages left to him by his father, which doesn't require much direct work on his part. You know he has a side job that's something to do with the Internet, but you don't find it very interesting and he doesn't like to talk about it, so you assume that his oddly massive array of contacts come from that.

You begin to lose yourself in reminiscing about the times you, Pete, Andy and Joe spent in the weirdly exclusive clubs in your city, trying to score free drinks. You'd never really have a problem on that front, as long as the boys stayed back. As soon as any of them sat next to you, however, the men buying you drinks tended to pretty quickly depart. You suddenly hear the ringing of the bell on your door and snap out of your thoughts, getting straight into work mode.

Later on in the day and Pete is giving you weird looks.

"Aren't you gonna eat or something?" He asks during a much needed quiet spell. You look at him like he's stupid.

"And close the whole shop? No." You reply. His frown deepens.

"So you don't eat lunch?" He responds accusingly. "Like, _ever_?" You bite your lip, caught out.

"I mean, I don't really get hungry during the day." Your stomach chooses that moment to growl angrily and you blush as Pete raises his eyebrows.

"Sugar, I'll watch the counter. Go and eat something before your brother has my head on a pike." You sigh dramatically and untie your apron, throwing it at him.

"If you break a _single_ cup Wentza..." He frowns at the nickname, you know he hates you calling him that.

"I'll try my best _princess_." His voice is sickly sweet and you roll your eyes at him, making your way towards the back door.

"You better _Petey_ , those mad hatter teacups are worth more than your life." You taunt lightly, tone matching his as you close the door behind you. You are pretty starving, so the prospect of food has cheered your mood extremely.

 _I suppose that's one advantage if I get some help_ , you think, _I'd get lunch every day._ This thought eases your worry about the whole thing slightly - though the idea of having to put up with someone else interfering with your baby all day still irks you. You can't argue that it'll be safer. Chicago is having some sort of crime wave at the moment. Undeniably it will be better to have someone else to back you up - even if it _is_ Patrick, who looks like he wouldn't hurt a fly, whatever Andy said about his prowess in arm wrestling.

Time flies by and soon you've finished your sandwich and are chasing Pete off your counter.

"Can I get you anything, Pete? Pay you back for your babysitting." You ask and he chuckles.

"If you insist, an Iced latte would be perfect right now, Sugar." You smile sarcastically and get to work. You've just got a new shipment of branded take-away containers and decide this is the better option as opposed to entrusting Pete with any more of your precious cups. He raises his eyebrows when you set it down on his table, next to the pad he's been scribbling in all day.

"Right Y/N this needs to stop." He looks sharply up at you and the use of your actual name throws you off. "Just because me and Joe knocked that shelf down _ **once-**_ " You stare at him sternly.

"Once is enough Pete. It took me hours to find all the pieces."

"Ehhh you can barely tell they were ever broken."

"THATS BECAUSE I SPENT MY WHOLE WEEKEND GLUING THEM" You shout, exasperated, and Pete looks slightly guilty. You hear the door open and leave Pete do do whatever the hell he's doing in that notepad to tend to your counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any reviews & comments welcome. Thanks for reading! :D


	3. Not Even An Old Flame Can Survive All This Smothering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminders of your past infatuations don't shake you, but your boyfriend's forgetfulness does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three, It's in two parts cause I had a real neat name for the second half but separated they were a bit on the short side.  
> Enjoy ~

At the end of the day, you are closing up and Pete comes to stand right behind you. You turn, not expecting to see his face that close, and almost jump out your skin.

"Pete what the hell?!" You grumble but he's smiling curiously down at you.

"You'll like Patrick" he murmurs and tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear and waiting for your reaction. There was a time when this would have made your heart race and your pupils dilate, but that time is long gone and for now you just scowl at him, although your brain remarks that he acts more like your boyfriend than Joe who you were supposedly dating. He raises his eyebrows as if challenged and hums gently. Your scowl deepens as you await his next move. He thinks about it and just as he seems to be about to do something the tell-tale sound of the café's back entrance opening reached his ears and he takes a step back, grumbling.

"You were much more fun when I could fluster you." Andy walks in, looking exhausted. He tries to mask it as he sees Pete, however.

"Heya bud, thanks for the help today."

Pete shakes his head, "No problem A, anytime. Your sister is a pleasure." He finishes by winking in an attempt at sensuality, but it just leads to you laughing, he scowling and Andy raising his eyebrows.

You thought nothing of it until later that evening over dinner.

"Do you.... still.... yaknow...have a crush on Pete?" Your brother asks awkwardly and you almost choke in shock.

"No! What!? Why would you think that!? I have a boyfriend Andy!" You choke, still trying to breathe through your food. Andy shrugs his shoulders.

"I just kinda got a vibe between you two. I mean..." He is blushing almost as much as you now.

"I do not like Pete. I do not want to date Pete. I am going out with Joe unless you'd forgotten" You protest and Andy raises his eyebrows. You and Joe were a fairly recent thing, it was your two-month anniversary in 2 days, but everyone seemed to have an unpleasant habit of forgetting that you two were dating, purposeful or not you didn't know. Andy had straight up tried to fight him after he found him in your bed after the drunken one-night stand that had kick-started your relationship - you haven't brought Joe to your flat again - Andy has chilled out about the whole thing more now and hasn't threatened to chemically castrate Joe in weeks.

"If you say so... In other news, I spoke to Patrick today" Now you raise your eyebrows. "He said that he was up for it as long as the hours weren't too late, which we negotiated." You feel yourself let out a breath you didn't realise you were holding which Andy doesn't notice.

"I managed to persuade him to start tomorrow, but he's going to be in a bit late." Andy pauses and seems to prepare himself. "I know you're going to hate me for it." You frown at him, oh god what has he done now? "But I'm going to have Joe there, for the morning at least, to check it’s all going OK." You slam your fork down on the table in anger.

"Anyone else Andy? Pete maybe? Or maybe you'll just take up permanent residence, eh? I am a fully grown adult Andy, you don't seem to get that you don't have to look after me like this anymore." Andy sighs, sounding more tired than wound up by your tantrum.

"I don't have the energy for this Y/N. It's not a negotiation." At this you flounce from the table, leaving your half eaten dinner behind and go to sulk in your bedroom. There seems to always be an underlying tension between you and your brother in regards to him smothering you. You could never have a proper boyfriend before Joe for fear of bringing him home (even Joe had been hit up pretty bad), your friends had to pretty much be pre-approved and now Andy was forcing you to accept his rule in the one thing that was yours, I mean at least it was Joe he was forcing you to spend time with but even the idea your brother was telling your boyfriend what to do and when to see you really wound you up the wrong way. You drift into sleep, bitter and angry.

 

 **

**The man that wanted to kiss you and the man that did**

**(Part 2)**

**

The next morning you are awoken, as usual, by your brother. He has a tight smile on his face today, obviously forced, and a look of annoyance in his eyes.

"Morning." He starts and takes a deep breath in. "...You know that business trip I've been putting off for months." You nod hesitantly. "Well, something's come up... There's no way I can hold it off anymore." He bites his lip, concern flooding his face. "I don't like it but I don't have a choice with the number of favours they already give me. You'll be alone for an entire week; I fly out today." A mixture of terror and excitement floods through you, you've never spent that long alone before, but you try and maintain a solemn expression. He goes on for a while about how Pete is going to drop in on you every day and how under no circumstances is Joe allowed to stay overnight but clocks that you aren't listening and stops. "Just stay safe Y/N, OK? I'm trusting you on this one." You nod gently and he softly kisses the top of your head and leaves.

**

You manage to make it down to the cafe early this morning. Joe jumps out of his skin when you open the door and almost falls off the chair he was sat in. You giggle and he frowns sulkily.

"Give me warning next time bro!" He shouts and you sigh. He's always called you bro, right from when you were teens, but in what pertained to be a relationship it didn't feel right. No matter how many times you told him, however, it always seems to slip out. Sometimes you even think he forgets you two are dating. He spots his mistake and blushes, looking guilty. You roll your eyes and laugh, hiding your annoyance. Then, you walk over to flip the open sign - but before you get there you feel a very warm, v _ery Joe,_ body standing indescribably close behind you. You shiver slightly as he runs his hands down the line of your body, starting from just below your arms and finishing with his hands either side of your hips. You are desperately trying to fight the urge to not open the shop and engage in entirely different activities when he spins you around gracefully to face him. Your relationship hasn't been particularly physical since Joe almost got skinned by your brother, but you knew the threat of that wouldn't deter Joe for long, it was him who managed to convince you to take him home the first time. And now with a whole week without your pesky overprotective brother? Perfect opportunity. What was not perfect, however, was the fact you were standing in your coffee shop a few moments before opening time. Joe ignores this,as he is prone to doing with difficult problems, and brings one arm up to support your upper back. He looks at you for permission and you nod gently. At this, his lips are suddenly, and unexpectedly aggressively, on yours. Your hands grab his hair to steady yourself as he kisses you harder. It feels... _Odd_ , but you can't put your finger on exactly why. Just as this thought crosses your mind you hear a knock at the back door and you almost throw Joe off you, trying to compose yourself. He sulks as you run off to answer it. Behind the door lies a strawberry blond man you identify as Patrick who, when he sees you, seems to flush cherry red and widen his eyes. _Oh god, what do I look like?_   You think, embarrassed, and blush right back at him.

"Um.... Did you get my... Um, message?" His throat seems to be seized up but he's maintaining eye contact pretty well with you considering how you think you look. You shake your head, too embarrassed to speak. "Ah... Well, I said I could come in on time today in the end" He ducks his head slightly. " And here I am" You desperately try to alleviate the tension by actually speaking.

"Oh. Ok, that's good. Come on in." You manage to convince yourself you sound normal and beckon him inside. Joe is now sitting on the edge of the counter, swinging his legs lazily. You have learned a few things about Joe while you have been dating. Firstly, he is one of the most relaxed people on the planet, second, he isn't a fan of PDA. At all. It gets to the point that you don't really hold hands in public and he seems to viciously avoid pet names - though he's a big fan of hugs. It suits you this way, you suppose. Andy (and Pete to some extent) have less cause to beat the shit out of him and the idea of it all seems a little alien to you. It's normal for there to be a warming up period in a relationship, you think and your doubts are satisfied. You had never expected to fall fabulously, instantly in love with someone like in the fairy-tale your father used to read to you to try and get you to sleep on the nights where you had night terrors, so this slow relationship was comfortable. You supposed that your night terrors were one of the reasons for Andy's over protectiveness. To this day you can't shake them, you'll wake up in the middle of the night screaming and you'll have hurt yourself in one way or another, usually about once a week but it had been getting a bit worse recently. They seemed to be triggered by fear, which was primarily the reason for your cotton-wool upbringing. This unfortunate affliction was another reason why you hadn't spent the night at Joe's yet, though he seemed not to be demanding about it. You had even tried to get Andy to invest in earplugs so he wasn't woken up but he had refused and still came to check on you and try to calm you down every single time. Nobody else knew about except your family and the doctors who had tried to treat it and then waved it off as remnants of your traumatic early childhood in England, and you wanted to keep it that way.

Joe doesn't move from the counter and you can feel it irking you. _I'd just wiped that_. Patrick hangs his hat up and you smile at him, _at least someone listens to what I say_. Joe notices you glaring at him and gently slides off the counter to shake Patrick's hand.

"Um...Nice to meet you...?"

"Patrick, I'm ...Pete's friend." Patrick replies giving Joe a curious look as if sizing him up. Joe doesn't seem to notice and continues.

"Ah, so you're Y/N's new slave. I'll give you a hint, don't break her cups or she'll fucking **_lose it_** , it's like she turns into some sort of bitchy she-devil." Patrick raises his eyebrows; he seems to think he's sussed Joe out.

"I'm sure I'll be OK." He says politely but Joe doesn't sense the discomfort radiating from the man at his comments.

"Hmm she did it to me and I'm her friend, you don't even stand a chance bro." You feel slightly miserable at Joe's second slip of the day, but he doesn't even notice. Instead, he turns and wraps you in a warm hug, smiling cheekily at you. "See you this evening" he murmurs as he waves and makes his way out the door. "See ya Patrick!" He shouts as an afterthought as he closes the door behind him. You then notice that Patrick looks scared, though with a steely determination that you couldn't quite place, and are briefly confused at his expression before moving onto more important things.

"Right" you start, preparing yourself to give him a crash course in what he needed to do. "Let’s get to work"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always any comments and kudos are welcome, thanks for reading. :)


	4. What Andy Can't See Can't Hurt Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teeniest smidge of sauce in this one but nothing spicy, Hope you enjoy :)

 

Patrick seemed to get to grip unbelievably fast with the machinery. When you remarked on this he shrugged modestly and you noticed him blush again.

Despite your very much taken status, you couldn't help but admire the man. His soft hair fell delicately over his confusingly coloured eyes and the look of concentration on his face, completed by him biting his lower lip, as he finishes an order is enough to leave you blushing.

You scold yourself, you have a boyfriend that has been nothing but good to you, despite his occasional slips, but you just can't control your eyes as they skim the sturdy frame of the man who is now technically your employee. You imagine how it would feel if it were your teeth biting his lip.

He turns as if he hears your thoughts and you avert your eyes instantly, _what the fuck Y/N_ , you think, marvelling at your own ability to think these sorts of things. You try your hardest to avoid looking at him but it's not particularly busy today and in the gaps between customer rushes Patrick seems keen to make conversation, which makes it a lot more difficult.

You find yourself warming to the man more and more as the day goes on. Although he seems nervous his conversation is witty and interesting and you begin to look forward to having him around permanently.

He goes off for his lunch and it now feels oddly silent. For a while, you leave it quiet but eventually it gets too much for you. To drown out the sound of nothing, you turn on the radio which is conveniently playing one of your favourite songs.

_"Oh angel sent_

_From up_

_Above_

_You know you make_

_My world_

_Light up_

_When I was down_

_When I was hurt_

_You came to lift me up"_

You can't help but dance slightly as you clean the sides,

_"She said drink from me_

_Drink from me_

_When I was so thirsty_

_Poured on a symphony_

_Now I just can't get enough_

_Put your wings on me_

_Wings on me_

_When I was so heavy_

_Pour on a symphony_

_When I'm low, low, low, low"_

Noticing the shop is now empty, you turn it up ready for the chorus.

_"I_

_Oh I_

_Oh I_

_You got me feeling drunk and high_

_So high_

_So high"_

You are half way through when you notice another, much more vocally pleasing voice has joined you from by the back door. You turn to see Patrick singing softly as he starts to wash the mugs, he must have finished his lunch and slipped back in while you were distracted. You are almost stunned into stopping but for fear he would also stop you continue.

_"I_

_Oh I_

_Oh I_

_Now I'm feeling drunk and high_

_So high_

_So high_

_Now we shoot across the sky_

_Now we shoot across the_

_Now we shoot across the sky_

_Now we shoot across the sky_

_Now we shoot across the"_

You had stopped singing just after the chorus but Patrick barely noticed. His soulful voice carried across the shop as he finished the song, your mouth was agape. He turns and noticing you staring, blushes intensely.

"Wow Patrick, I think I need to promote you to the chief of karaoke" you tease, half serious. "That's a good set of vocal chords you got there" His face is so red now you worry his blood vessels are going to burst, you go to change the topic but he gets there first.

"That the sort of music you're into?" You think on it for a moment.

"Well, I'm not really a charts gal if that's what you're asking. Coldplay is probably the softest band I listen to, a bit of rock, bit of punk mostly." He nods his still red face.

"I love that song." He says seriously, then a look of mischief presents itself in his face. "I wish Beyoncé would feature that band more often in her music." Your eyes narrow, he better be joking. "And that man.... Chris Martin is it? He and Cold Play should try writing their own music before the end of their farewell tour." You are giving him the darkest look now.

"For your own sake, I hope you are messing with me" you almost growl and Patrick's straight face breaks into peals of laughter.

Oh god, I'm so sorry." He chokes out through his laughter. "It was worth it, though, just for your face" Seeing your new assistant this undone was comical, to say the least, and this combined with the relief that he wasn't a complete music normie leads to you joining him.

The rest of the day proceeded as normal, you tried to persuade Patrick to sing again but he was having none of it and the constant stream of customers meant you didn't have much time to try and persuade.

You got to have your lunch again today, though you were worried about leaving Patrick with the busy part of the day so it was absurdly late. Just as you are packing down for the night Patrick suddenly turns around to you, a nervous determinism in his eyes.

"Y/N..." He begins, and you look up, trying not to be dazzled by his eyes.

"Mhmm?" you reply, still engaged in attempting to clean one of the stubborner tables.

"Are you free next Wednesday evening? I... um... got my hand on a couple of tickets to the new Ghostbusters film Chicago premiere...if yaknow... You wanted one..." You reply almost instantly.

"Aw man, I'd love to but I got plans Wednesday." Plans? It's your two-month anniversary "Bummer! You have fun, though. The film's meant to be good." His expression falls slightly but seems to, if anything, become more determined.

"Ah Ok, don't worry about it. Another time maybe?" He responds and you nod in agreement.

"Sure Patrick, sounds ace."

After you have closed up, and seen Patrick out you go to find Joe. You are not surprised when he turns out to be leaning on a wall near the bins round back, a joint balanced lazily between his lips. You don't think you'd probably even spoken to him when he wasn't at least slightly high.

You don't think such a time really exists.

His eyes light up when he sees you and he puts it out, gently wrapping it up to place in his bag. He knows you won't let him smoke inside your flat and the fact he remembers lightens your mood.

"Hey babe." he says, almost as if he was in slow motion. You laugh slightly, when he's particularly high he very much remembers your current relationship status and the thought of having the evening alone with him is joint terrifying and exhilarating to you. He brings you in for a hug, his hands wandering more than usual and you pull apart from him, eyebrows raised but a smile on your face.

"Let's get inside, hmm?" You say, teasingly and he laughs in return.

"Knowing my luck Andy’ll be waiting for me at the tip of the stairs with some sort of Machiavellian torture device." He says, but his eyes aren't serious and his expression is relaxed. You both make your way up the shitty, creaky stairs towards your flat.

Two hours later and you are pretty reassured at the nature of your relationship.

Joe's mouth is currently tracing intricate patterns around your body, mumbling something about fate and the universe. Meanwhile, your entire body is still on fire, your clothes long lost to god knows where and your mind in the clouds.

Finally, your boyfriend makes his way back to your lips, everything he does tortuously slow and abstract. (probably a result of the weed) His mind-numbing torture continues for what feels like an eternity, his legs either side of your waist and your torso stretched so you could reach his face before he jumps off you - mumbling something about snacks.

Before he goes he kisses you lightly on the forehead, which makes you feel suddenly very wrong, just like how it had felt the morning after you two had first slept together and you had forced open your hungover eyes to spot one of your brothers best friends draped gently around your body, his clothes playing hide-and-seek across your floor.

You know you've got to tell him to leave soon, you don't suppose he'll mind - it's so late now all you'd be doing was sleeping. You don't feel even vaguely ready for him to know about your peculiar sleep problem, and you did promise Andy that you wouldn't let Joe stay the night - although you suppose the real sentiment of that statement had already been broken.

You felt lucky that Pete forgot to come and check on you today. He was the second member of the Y/N & Joe disapproval club, and an avid one at that. He wouldn't hesitate to either tell Andy or just beat Joe up himself.

It had only been a fairly recent development that they both had started speaking normally to him again, though even now you spotted dirty looks coming from them at intervals. Joe probably barely notices, he's not one for subtlety, but the guilt from the shit he gets because of dating you makes you sad whenever you look at the man.

 

**

That night you wake up screaming, your fingernails having dug deep grooves into your upper arms. You touch one lightly in the dark and your finger feels wet.

Great.

You pad your way to the bathroom, the images from your dream still haunting you. You barely ever remember anything but when you do it's small, abstract and unexplainable.

Tonight you'd dreamed of the smell of fire - sulphur and death -   and the worst thing? The final part of your dream was Joe, your Joe. He was straddling you in almost the same way as that evening, but his eyes are angry and dark.

He looked as if he is going to caress your arms but dug his nails in instead.You screamed for your brother and saw him watching from a distance, looking at you in disgust.

In the morning you'd only remember the smallest fragments, but for now, you gently dab at the welting cuts on your arms with warm water to try and removed the gently pooling blood. It's not much but it's enough to make you shudder.

When you lie back in your bed you try and think of peaceful thoughts to distract your addled mind. You fall asleep to the memory of you and Patrick's Coldplay duet and dream of his warm smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always Kudos and Feedback are greatly loved. Next chapter's looking to be quite a storm ;)


	5. I Got Dressed Up All Nice And You Did What to a Trolly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a long one this time, hope y'all still enjoying it.

 it's close to midday the next day and Patrick has a look of horror resting on his face.

"What do you mean you won’t play the piano!?"

"I can, I just won't"

"Why!? Did the piano personally offend you?"

"Well -"

"Did a piano beat you up once in an alleyway?"

"No, I -" you're in tears now at the hilarity of his exasperated facial expression.

"Did a piano break one of your precious cups?!" You can't even attempt a reply through your laughter and just shake your head. He shakes his head in abject defeat and you try to reason your earlier statement

"I just don't have any urge to clonk out classical music!" You gesture wildly and one of your shirt sleeves slips down.  You see his eyes being drawn to your upper arm and then widen dramatically. Oh shit. Your arms. The still red welts are on full display and you desperately pull down your sleeve, blushing in shame. Patrick looks concerned, oh god you knew that expression and the one which tended to follow it. Pity.

"Are you OK Y/N?" He asks gently, oh so gently, and you want to cry.

"Sure. Yep. I'm fine. " Your curt response doesn't deter the man. He gently walks over and brushes the back of his hand softly against your upper arm. You wince. He raises an eyebrow. What do I tell him? You ask yourself, but no excuses come to mind.

His gaze is so gentle and his words so goddamn soft that you can't control it. You're looking deep into his concerned eyes when it spills out of you like you've been hypnotised by his swirling irises. "Um...bad dreams.... really bad dreams." You say it so quiet it's almost a whisper and Patrick nods looking as if he just wants to take you into his arms right then and there and hug all the pain out of you.

He doesn't say anything else about it, but he insisted on doing all the heavy work that day and that look never seems to leave his eyes.

Pete becomes less lax, much less lax, especially when it conspired that Andy would be gone for a week longer than expected.

Turns out he was out on a date Monday night, hence your uninterrupted evening. He apparently had phoned Joe to threaten his life as an alternative (which Joe promptly ignored) and was going to drop by afterwards but got slightly...sidelined, at least that's what he tells you. You aren't too bothered about his visits. He usually brings food and it gives you a good excuse to not have Joe around. It's not that you don't like him... just the thought of kissing him again fills you with a weird sort of dread. You can't avoid it for long, though.

Pete has very unfortunately already made plans for the day of your anniversary and Joe has already text you offering to cook, despite the skinning threats issued by Pete. You agree, compromising that you'll make desserts so to at least have something to eat if Joe's attempt at a meal fails spectacularly.

As the day of your anniversary rolls around the feeling in the bottom of your stomach feels much more than nerves. Your nightmares have been getting worse again, and part of you just wants Andy back to make everything feel right again. The only thing not causing you stress at the moment is the café, who's takings are on a high and were the highlights of your days seem to occur, so you try to draw you mind towards that and avoid more unpleasant thoughts.

**

The fateful Wednesday is upon you sooner than expected. You got up early and meticulously cleaned your flat, you used your lunch break to bake a delicious looking strawberry cheesecake and you came down to the shop for the last few hours filled with apprehension.

If Patrick notices he doesn't say anything about it, your usual banter continues - which relaxes you slightly.You get so distracted you forget to put the lid on when you are using the blender, you would have got smoothie all over your face if Patrick hadn't spotted your folly and dangled it in front of you asking if you were aiming for a "self-applying face mask".

Soon it's closing time and you are left alone after Patrick rushes home for some reason or another. You rush up to your flat and do your hair and makeup, slipping into a dress you bought especially for the occasion.

It's a soft mint green number with mid length translucent sleeves and white stitching. It's the nicest dress you own and you hope that Joe will appreciate the effort you've made. You haven't spent this much time on your appearance in a while, your hair is in a loose bun with softly twisting curls springing loose to frame your face and you've utilised all of the make-up in your arsenal as well as the fancy perfume your father had bought you for your last birthday.

You look hurriedly at your watch; he was meant to be here 10 minutes ago.

10 minutes turns into 20.

20 into 40.

Soon you are on edge. You phone Joe and get no answer, starting to worry you turn on the TV - to see if there have been any horrible traffic accidents. Nope. Nothing.

You sit in silence for a while, trying his phone again then just pacing, lost for ideas. You then remember you still have Daryl's number (one of Joe's work friends) for emergencies and decide to check if Joe has been held up at work.

"Heeelllooooo?" Oh god he sounds pissed

"Hi Daryl, it's Y/N...Joe's Girlfriend"

" Y/N! Heyyy" he replies, way too excited for someone who is sober.

"Um yeah, I was just phoning to ask if you know where Joe is? I can't get hold of him" there's a moment of silence and phone fumbling before he replies.

"Laaaast I saw he was offff his titttts" Daryl laughs uncontrollably, "he lost the *hic* trolly race againnn - I think he might have ridden it awayy. I wouldn't expect him *hic* home tonight babyyy" the laughter ramps up a notch and Daryl can barely speak.

"Ok, well... um, thanks." You say and hang up, your heart in your shoes. You wallow in your own self-pity for a few moments tear starting to brew in your eyes and anger in your heart, before you hear noises in the café below.

Great. Just what you needed. You fumble in the drawer for a knife and creep down the stairs, the noises get worse and you can hear a male cursing inside.

Confused, you find the backdoor is open and slightly ajar. You push it open and viciously wield your knife, slightly catching the edge of a very startled Patrick's arm as he tries to reach his hat on the hat stand as he trips up over the bins in the dark.  He yelps in shock and pain and you scream in surprise, dropping the knife, almost on your own foot.

"Oh god! Are you OK!?" You're almost screaming at him. He winces as he clasps a hand over his bleeding arm,

"I'm...alive." he says through clenched teeth. He laughs slightly through his pain "I just came back for my hat!" You fuss over him trying to gauge the extent of the wound you've inflicted on your assistant and he tries to brush you off. You insist on letting you have a look at it and force him up into your flat, so you can attempt first aid.

~The chapter in which cheesecake becomes Patrick's favourite dessert~

The moment you get into your flat and sit a still bleeding Patrick on one of your kitchen chairs, your phone rings. Thinking it might be Joe, you answer with a curt,

"What the hell is this about you and a trolley?" Trying to be quiet enough that Patrick doesn't hear you

"Y/N?!" The concerned voice of your brother returns and you silently curse. "Is everything OK there?!" Patrick makes a strangled sound of pain and Andy's tone changes to one that almost scares you. "That better not be Joe I hear..." You walk quickly into your bedroom and gently close the door.

"No Andy...it's... Patrick...I... um. nicked him with a knife...." You stutter.

"What the hell is going on there?" Andy sounds rightfully concerned.

"Well...um... Joe was meant to be ...um dropping around for an anniversary dinner." Andy issues a low disapproving sound but doesn't vocally protest.

"So why the hell is Patrick in our flat? And why were you wielding a knife!?"

"Well, that's the thing And. Joe seems to have forgotten, I heard from his work friends that he was drunk trolley racing or something." The tears that have been threatening to fall begin to come to the surface and you are almost sobbing down the phone. "And....I....got everything ready...I baked a fucking cheesecake! I hear noises so I....I go downstairs with a huge fucking knife and....oh God I think I stabbed Patrick!"

"Breathe Y/N. Calm down" Andy is the voice of reason, as usual, and you try to steady your breathing. "Don't worry about Joe. I'll take care of him." His voice is ominous and laced with threats. "As for Patrick, make sure he's Ok. Phone an ambulance if you need to. I don't fucking know why I trusted Pete to keep an eye on you." The last sentence is muttered and not meant for your ears. "Do you need me to come back?" You take a deep breath, feeling much more calm.

"I'll be OK And. I'll be OK" after a few more assurances you hang up and go to check on Patrick. You notice his expression as he sees you walk in.

Yes, you see pain, but you also see something else. His eyes are wide with almost rapture like you are the most captivating thing he's ever seen. You tilt your head slightly, confused, but decide he's probably off it in pain.

You then get to looking at his wound, removing his shirt to get to it without a second thought (or any resistance from Patrick). The knife didn't cut deep or particularly fatally so you slap on a sticky bandage from your conveniently located first aid kit while trying to wipe away the blood with a shitty piece of kitchen roll.

"There...all better," you say, somewhat doubtfully. You and Patrick both look at each other for a moment - completely serious - then both burst out laughing.

You gently help him off the stool and toward your sofa, it's then you notice his shirtless state and blush deeply, throwing a glance to his blood-stained, torn short on the kitchen floor.

"Oh God Patrick, I'm sorry. I'll...um find you something of Andy’s...!" You scuttle off to Andy's room, trying to ignore how your eyes lingered on his bare chest. You try desperately to think of Joe, your boyfriend, but this just gives your emotions a bitter twist.

You pick up the closest clean shirt you can find, and make your way back into your open-plan living room. You half throw, half place it in his hands and he shoves it on, thanking you. Now, both fully clothed, you feel a lot more comfortable.

"Are you sure you're ok?" You ask almost obsessively and he laughs.

"I'm fine Y/N" he insists, "Your sticky plaster has done its job." You both glance at it, and you see that in your panic you had given him a Disney princess bandage that you had with your first aid kit for unknown reasons. You both laugh again and you feel any tension that might have built disperse.

"I thought you'd be at the Ghostbusters thing anyway." You say questioningly, he had offered you a ticket, so you supposed he was going himself. Patrick blushes which confuses you.

"Um...I... uh...didn't go in the end." His face is bright red and you desperately attempt to try and comfort the man.

"Well you know what I’ve got" he inclines his head inquisitively. "A homemade strawberry cheesecake that desperately needs eating." your mind rationalises that you may as well eat it with someone rather than leave it to get soggy in the fridge.

The sudden reminder of Joe's absenteeism sends another current of bitterness flowing through your veins. Patrick seems excited by the prospect of cheesecake though, so you get the cheesecake and two spoons, no point wasting any plates and bring them over.

You both demolish the dessert, making conversation through mouthfuls and you almost feel entirely relaxed. The last spoon enters your mouth when you begin to fully appreciate the scene before you.

Patrick's angelic face is softly lit by the flickering candles that you'd set out earlier, he's lost the trilby again and his hair looks so soft and so damn touchable that you have to control your hands. When your eyes move to his own, you notice he's also staring at you, his eyes raking the detail of your fancy dress, skimming the edge of your curls and resting back at the eyes currently engaged in staring at him.

You're sat so closely now; you can feel the tension emanating from him in waves. His eyes move to your lips and you feel the light weight of what must be cream left there.

You go to try and wipe it away but are stopped with the clash of a plate, as Patrick closes the small distance between you - knocking it to the floor. His lips gently meet yours with the softest touch, his tongue skimming your lower lip and definitely catching the leftover dessert. He suddenly breaks away and your mind screams in protest, you try desperately to think of your boyfriend, but all you think of is how _right_ this feels. Patrick looks at you, eyes dark and a small smile on his face.

"You wouldn't even believe how long I've wanted to do that" he bites his lip while talking and you can't take it.

This time, it's you who connects your mouths, the kiss is still unbelievably gentle - almost like a dream - and you melt into it, feeling almost healed by the movement of his lips on yours.His arms wrap around you and you shift closer to his body, feeling so right and so safe that you dare not break away.

Was this how kissing was supposed to feel? Sure, when you kissed Joe you had felt something, but nothing even marginally comparable to this.

Oh god. Joe. You try to summon the strength to push him off you and tell him to stop, you have a boyfriend. But you are too selfishly wrapped up in how happy you feel. You moan Patrick's name into his lips and he wraps a hand in your hair as you bring your arms up to encircle his neck.

You are lost in this moment for a few more minutes before the cutting sound of your mobile phone ringing breaks the silence. You reluctantly pull away and grab it out your pocket, leaving a very flustered Patrick sitting opposite you.

"Um...hello?"

"Hey sugar, it's Pete"

"Oh Hi Pete, how are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Are you OK, you sound out of breath?

"Oh yeah...um... I'm fine! - no need to worry."

"Well, you'll be even better when you hear what I've got."

"Um...Ok?"

"I and your delicious surprise meal have an ETA of about 5 minutes, so BREAK. OUT. THE. PARTY" You laugh gently.

"Sure Pete, um...will do"

"See ya in a few, sugar"

It's with this you hastily hang up the phone. Patrick seems to have recovered slightly and is looking at you curiously.

"Was that Pete?" He asks quietly. You nod, trying desperately to think about things that were not Patrick. He thinks for a moment. "I guess I better be going then..." he says and slowly gets up from your sofa. You spring up in reaction and walk him towards your door in an odd surreal silence.

As he goes to leave he turns and suddenly pulls you in for a final kiss, as if he couldn't help himself, before disappearing into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Feedback always welcome buddies


	6. Pete Knows What You Did In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in uploading, Life stuff and the like. Back on track now :)

_"The birds they sang_

_At break of day_

_'Start again'_

_I hear them say_

_It's so hard_

_to just walk away_

_The birds they sang_

_All a choir_

_'Start again_

_A little higher'_

_It's a spark_

_in a sea of grey"_

_\- An extract from **Up With The Birds** by **Coldplay**_

Pete arrived almost exactly five minutes later bearing your most primal love, Chinese food. He told you that Andy phoned him and you, therefore, assumed that he knew about Joe.

"What's this about you stabbing poor old Tricky-boy?" He asks you over mountains of noodles and you blush suddenly and heavily.

"Um... I thought he was an intruder..." You viciously avoid eye contact with Pete and stare at your noodles adamantly.

"And is he alright now?" Pete persists.

"Uh...yeah...I mean... He went home...so I...um... guess so?" You reply, desperately trying to not reflect on the events preceding Pete's arrival. Pete narrows his eyes at you for a while before smirking slightly.

"Is that where the cheesecake went?"

You instantly snap your head up the blush deepening to cover your entire face and Pete looks like he's going to burst out laughing.

"What?!"

"Andy said you'd made a cheesecake. I checked the fridge sugar, but Nada."

"Oh...um...yeah...As I stabbed Patrick I ...um...I mean...we...shared it..." Pete notices the look in your eyes that you are trying desperately to hide and sighs deeply, returning to his noodles.

"Just tell Joe soon, okay?" He says finally. "He might be a bit of a dick but closing the whole unfortunate affair quickly will make it easier. I mean I'm prejudiced cause I hate the very idea of him even looking at you in a non-platonic way, but I think only you know how you really feel sugar." You are staring at the floor in adamant shame, hand still clutching onto your fork which resides deep inside your plate of noodles. Pete gently reaches across the table and pulls your head up by the chin until you are making eye contact.

"As for Patrick, I'll roll with whatever you roll with." You raise your eyebrows at this, confused and Pete seems to feel obliged to justify his position. "He'll be much better for you."

"How do you know that?" You say quietly, still feeling caught in shame. Pete simply taps the side of his nose with his forefinger and winks at you in an attempt to lighten the mood. You laugh together gently before his face returns to complete sincerity.

"Joe's still going to get beaten to shit"

"Whoa Pete, what the hell!?

"I have my sources that he broke his word, I'm simply following through on my threats"

"His word?"

"He said he wouldn't touch you while Andy was away" The blush that had just rescinded returns adamantly and Pete looks at you disapprovingly. "I'd tell Andy but he'd probably beat me up too, so count yourself bloody lucky" his expression softens somewhat. "Sugar, there no need for you to worry about any of it. It'll all work out" and with that, the subject was closed for the evening and you dedicated yourself to attempting to eat the towering plate of noodles in front of you.

Later on, when Pete has gone, you come to reflect on your actions. You kissed Patrick, you can't hide from that. You also can't hide how it made you feel. You didn't feel vaguely giddy and guilty like when you kissed Joe - it was an indescribably entire different feeling . You don't want to hurt either of them, but you can't feel as if you aren't already. You've already betrayed Joe, from whatever angle you look at it, and part of you feel as if you're betraying Patrick at the same time. I mean he's shown no inclination that he knows about you and Joe and you've made no effort to tell him. You need to decide what you want, you need to choose, most of all you need to do it soon.

 

******

**Part two**

******

**~Apologies can't fix the non-existent~**

_"And I_

_I never meant to cause you trouble_

_And I_

_I never meant to do you wrong_

_And I_

_If I ever caused you trouble_

_Oh no_

_I never meant to do you harm"_

_\- An extract from **Trouble** by **Coldplay**_

You walk into the café with a sense of dread filling you, making your legs shake. You know you've got to do it. You've got to tell Patrick. He turns towards you as you approach the café door his expression changing from joy to concern instantly.

"Y/N is...everything OK?" His words are as soft as ever, but this time seems to be laced with feverish concern. You simply walk forward and unlock the door (Patrick always forgets his key) and beckon him inside.

"Y/N...?" The calmness is slipping slightly from his tone. You take a deep breath and steady yourself, trying to find the right words.

"Patrick I fucked up." You blurt, mind too addled to phrase it better. Patrick frowns, looking almost afraid of what you were going to say next.

"If this is about last night then I'm sorry, I jus-" You silence him with a finger.

"Don't you dare apologise Patrick, the only person who needs to do that is me" he looks confused beyond belief now and you need to get this over with - just like ripping off a plaster. "Um... I... have a boyfriend Patrick. Joe." Patrick's face falls beyond belief and you just let the word vomit come. "I mean yesterday and was our two-month anniversary, but he went out drinking, and I fe- god I don't know how I feel anymore. When I kissed you I felt so- and Joe and I are kinds ju- Oh Hell what I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry. For not telling you, for kissing you back when I knew it was wrong, for... everything. I don't really know what's going on, or what's going to happen between Joe and me.... I just.... You tail off, tears threatening. Patrick looks so conflicted; you wish you'd never had told him. You stand there for a moment, him thinking it through and you just stood there ready for his verdict, before he finally speaks.

".... You should go and talk to Joe...I'll mind the café" his voice is soft and laced with sadness. "We can work out the rest when you get back" and there it was, the elusive promise of whatever you could have had with Patrick going down the drain. You smile gratefully tears still thick in your eyes and rush out of the café toward your seldom used, cranky, ford fiesta which viscously spurts into life as you twist the key in the ignition. You set off to Joe's flat, knowing him like you do you know there isn't a chance he went into work today after how pissed his workmates sounded. The drive is short and tense. You don't know what you're going to say to him. You don't know what you can say to him. You didn't mean to get yourself into shit this deep, but it isn't a valid excuse. You kissed Patrick, you let it happen. Pete was right, Joe deserves to know what's going on.

You stand outside Joe's flat hand raised as if to knock. You are trying desperately to contain your emotions. You have to do this. You knock, hard and fast, and wait for the inevitable. It takes a while but Joe eventually answers the door, eyes bleary with a hangover, sleep and probably weed, his expression lightens slightly when he sees you, which makes your heart drop, and beckons you inside.

"Oh, Y/N you wouldn't believe the night I had yesterday!" He excitedly chatters and he flops down onto one of his green canvas sofas. "It was wiiillllldd, shame you weren't there bro, that would have made it even wider." Despite what you've come here to do anger surges up in you. "I would have loved to Joe, but yesterday I was sat in my flat waiting for my boyfriend to come round for our anniversary dinner" He looks confused for a second then his eyes widen.

"Oh shit. Y/N... oh god...I'm so sorry... I'm literally the **_worst_** , let me make it up to you, we can go to the Pokémon convention or something. I really am so s-" you interrupt his babble, you can’t take his apology and his miserable face anymore.

"Stop apologising Joe! It's... not _you_ that needs to apologise, it's... it's _me_."

"Why the hell would you need to apologise? It's me that went an-"

"I kissed Patrick" The words slide effortlessly off your tongue, coming out in a near whisper. Joe looks stunned.

"Wait, say that again?"

"I kissed Patrick, yesterday evening" you don't even have to think, they just fall from your mouth - louder this time, but still as matter-of-factly. You can't read the expression on Joe's face and you both stay silent. Eventually, he breaks the tense quiet.

"Did..." He goes quiet again as if contemplating his question. "Did you... enjoy... it?" The question is quiet and sad and almost breaks your heart. You want him to get up and shout at you, hit you, tell you you're a cheating whore, anything that would make you feel less guilty for what you did. But no, he sits there relaxed as ever and asks if you enjoyed it - does he even care about your relationship? Your anger makes your response much harsher than you meant it.

"Yes." He seems to flinch very slightly before going back deep into thought. You two just sit there and your rage boils. Does he even care that you kissed another man? Does he feel anything toward you at all? Isn't he going to stand up and fight for you, or is he just going to shrug his shoulders and let it go? He must not notice your angry stares as he continues to look into the distance, almost pensively. You see the sadness in his eyes and your anger dissipates almost instantly. When he eventually says it you flinch heavily, quiet tears spilling gently down your face.

"I guess we were always better off as friends anyway" You know he's right, you know it's the best thing to do, but still you cry.

You go to your bedroom, sink your head into your pillow and just lie there. You want to say you mourn your now ex-relationship but you don't. You feel sad, yeah, but you feel sad for upsetting Joe - though he had taken it all surprisingly well. You knew deep inside your relationship wasn't working, and you had seen from the way he had talked to you about it that he did too. It was coming, he had said, hut he just hadn't expected it to come like this. You do want to be his friend, you know that. As for Patrick...oh god, Patrick. What were you going to do about him? Joe had told you he would have no problem whatever you wanted to do with him, he said he just wanted you to be happy. In some ways that hurt more than him forbidding you from ever going near him again, the thought that you had wronged such a kind guy irked you, but you were glad that things hadn't ended too sourly between you.


	7. Slowly Breaking Through, Daylight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forget so much to update this, much sorry. Have another chapter, enjoy.  
> Also sorry about all the random lyric snippets. They were in it when I wrote it so I've just left them in for context to what I was writing. Might get rid of future ones though.  
> -DS

It's the Friday before Andy returns and you are almost running down the stairs. You're not late, for once, you're just excited for the certain Patrick that lies at the end of them. You're not entirely sure what your relationship is, but for now, you are happy to leave it un-labelled and enjoy his company. He's waiting for you in the entranceway to the back door, not because he's forgotten his key (though he probably has) but because he wants to see you. He turns and his expression instantly changes into a smile that you just can't help but return.  
"Heya." he's blushing but he doesn't seem to be suffering from the vocal disability that has overtaken you. You smile in response and he laughs at your articulate greeting. You slide the key into the lock and try to open it. The door has always been stiff but it has never given you this much trouble before, you frown viscously at it but before you can get particularly wound up, Patrick slides an arm just under yours and places his hand over the one you had currently engaged in attempting to gain access - his other hand sliding around your waist to hold you steady. It's like this that he twists open the door knob, his head painfully close to yours. The door swings open and he, seemingly reluctantly let’s go of you, you turn and faux-glare at him.  
"I loosened it"  
"Sure sure Y/N, if that's what you want to think" he winks at you and you have to turn away to hide your blush. He is about to take his hat off when you call over to him from the front entrance, which you are attempting to unlock.  
"You know what, don't worry about the hat today Patrick." He raises his eyebrows but seems pleased.  
"Mmm maybe I should kiss you more often" is his candid response over his shoulder as he starts up the coffee machine.  
"Mr Stump, are you being lewd?"  
"Wouldn't dream of it dear"  
"I should hope not, maybe I should take that hat back off you if it's such a bad influence"  
"Oh my... I'm dreadfully sorry, I meant to say that I'll never kiss you again, I swear it!" He's just teasing you now and as you finally wrench the door open and walk past him rearranging tables you whisper your reply in his ear.  
"We both know that's not true Patrick" That seems to put an end to his cheeky banter and you victoriously discover his face is brushed with a light pink - you decide that flustering this man is your new favourite activity.

It's later in the day and Pete has stopped by for a visit. At first, you don't notice him as you are too busy working with Patrick to fulfil orders. You and he almost work entirely in sync now, it's almost like you can read each other's minds with the way one of you anticipate the others movement. Pete just stands there watching from a distance. Just by observing you two he knows something has changed. By the time you notice him he has a curious look on his face, like he's conflicted about something.  
"Hey, Pete!" He smiles as you greet him.  
"Hey Sugar" He's still giving Patrick an odd look. "Can I have a word, Trick?"   
"Sure thing" Patrick replies, looking worried.  
"Alone?'  
"Oh, um... We can go round back?"   
"I'll cover the counter" you reassure him, thoughts running wild.

Ten minutes later and the two emerge with unreadable faces, although Pete seems to have stopped giving Patrick such an odd look.  
"Jesus Christ, were you two writing out the works of Shakespeare out there?" You try and tempt them to tell you what you were discussing but it didn't look like you were going to have much luck. Pete smiles briefly at you, but Patrick gives him an obvious warning glance.  
"Something like that sugar" You sigh, it's obvious you're not going to get anything out of them. Patrick excuses himself to go and serve a customer and Pete pulls you aside for a second.  
"Joe told me what happened yesterday. You did the right thing Sugar and I'm glad you two seem to be able to stay friends" you nod gently. "Now" he glances at Patrick. "Trick is a good guy, I know it... Just-" he hesitates and grimaces slightly. "Just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into Sugar. This .... won’t be the kind of relationship you're used to with Joe... Just promise me you're doing this for the right reasons." He looks at you, urgency in his eyes and you feel confused.  
"Um... Well, I ... I like him Pete, and he makes me feel _happy_...." You trail off, unsure of what to say.  
"What I mean is don't date the guy cause you feel like you have to. You don't have to do anything Y/N." His eyes are steely but his expression is soft and you nod, silently at him. He let's go of you and pats you on the head. "Oh and if I were you, I'd wait until you tell Andy." With this, he saunters off, lightly punching Patrick in she shoulder as he passes.

 

**

 

It had been three weeks since Andy was back and you still hadn't told him about Patrick. He had solemnly accepted the news about Joe, though you could see in his eyes that he was pleased. You felt bad, deceiving your brother but you knew how he'd react and you didn't want Patrick to have to go through that - though he was as uncomfortable as you at lying to Andy about the nature of your relationship. You had "persuaded" Joe to keep his silence by agreeing to not tell Andy about his failure at checking on you and if you gave him free coffee for a year - you just didn't feel like Andy was ready to know about you and Patrick. It was because of this, then, that you found yourself climbing out of your bedroom window at midnight to go and hang with your - can you call him your boyfriend now? - (It'd never really been discussed between you two but that's what you thought of him in your mind.) like some sort of runway teenage girl. Luckily for you, your bedroom window was excessively close to a tree - which you were desperately trying to climb down without slipping down the branches. Patrick is standing at the bottom with his arms outstretched like he's going to catch you but it gives you no confidence. You gingerly let go of a branch and slip so you are hanging on like a set of monkey bars - Trick hands just about grazing your ankles. He whispers at you to drop down and you comply, you've made enough rustling noises already, convinced your feet are going to hit the ground hard. Instead, you find your back pressed closely to Patrick's chest as his arms hold you inches from the floor. He gently places you down onto ground level and you spin around to face him, grinning like a maniac. He takes you by the hand and you both run, giggling, down the street until you reach a safe distance from your apartment, almost collapsing from lack of breath.  
You both try to recover for a moment, the tree escapade and the running having taken it out of you, but Patrick doesn't let go of your hand.  
"Trick..." You get out between breaths "Wherever...you want to go better be... worth it or I swear to God.... I'm going to throw you from that tree... and see how you like it." He smiles with his eyes and his face seems to light up.  
"Oh it will be" He has a mischievous lilt to his tone and you reconcile that it can't really be worse than when Pete bought tickets for you and Patrick to see a shitty pervy magician because his name was "Magic Pete" and he thought it would be funny. Hence to say it was not funny. Not when his magic went wrong. Not when you got trapped in his "magic box". Not at all. Shaking the unpleasant memory of Patrick having to pull you out of a wooden crate while attempting to politely block the magician trying to get a look up your skirt, you find yourself being pulled along by the hand.  
"Come on Y/N, trust me" He's pouting now in a face that he knows you find irresistibly adorable, for a grown man Patrick gets away with puppy dog eyes and sulkily pouting too well, and you jokily sigh heavily before following him keenly.  
"Are you gonna tell me what it is?" You ask hopefully, trying your own attempt at puppy dog eyes. Patrick takes one look at you and smirks, raising his eyebrows.  
"Try harder sunshine, my lips are sealed" This raises a genuine pout  and you stop dead still, trying to think of a good way to force him to tell you where he is taking you this late at night. Engrossed in thought, you absentmindedly bite your lip and catch Patrick's eyes dilating slightly. Oh... Perfect. Getting together all your most seductive moves you inch closer to him, gently sighing and running the fingers of your left hand across the exposed skin of your collarbone. You then tilt your head slightly, now tantalisingly close but not reachable by the man stood opposite you.  
"Sealed, eh?" You bite your lip again for effect and suddenly bring his head forward into a deep kiss. He isn't expecting this and so his lips almost instantly part in surprise. As soon as they do, you pull away and look quizzically at him. He recovers quickly and gives you a cheeky grin.  
"Consider me entirely unlocked." You raise your eyebrows to prompt him and he soon responds. "The Navy Pier fun fair is running an all-nighter tonight... So I thought we'd go." He laughs at your happy expression. "Thought you'd like it"  
You continue walking, swinging your joined hands and almost skipping along. Being around Patrick had this...effect on you. It made you feel like nothing in the world could go wrong, like the sun got hotter by 2 degrees and everything good seemed so much better. More than anything, being with him made you feel free. You were in control; no one was telling you what to do or how to do it or controlling you. It was secret, it was hasty and probably completely irresponsible. But it was yours, and that's all that really mattered. By the time you have taken the short cab ride to Navy Pier you have a ridiculously wide grin on your face that you just can't shift. Patrick finds this incredibly amusing and keeps teasing you for being an emotional sap, which irritates you enough that you stick your tongue out at him, which just makes him smile too. By the time you get to the gates you are both smiling like goons. Patrick is cracking jokes about how your sneaking skills are going to land you a place in the CIA and you are having tree-based flashbacks and snort-laughing at him. The night felt perfect already, but it had really only just begun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and I am not from the US so any inaccuracies in geography and fine detail will have to be ignored. I hope you laughed as much at the Magic Pete bit as I did when I wrote it (way too much)


	8. The High Before The Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY!? We're getting towards the dramatic bit. POV switches a bit in this chapter but it should be easy to follow. Thanks, and enjoy.  
> \- DS

Melissa was going to kill her parents. First, they make her go on this shitty camping trip holiday and now? Now they won't let her charge her phone off the car battery. How the hell was she meant to keep up to date with the fandom? How the hell was she meant to have a life!? When she finally does get home the first thing she does is boot up her laptop. She'd had no luck with her face-search yet but seemed to have a good idea on another method to try, however when she opens her computer she notices a new video. She watches it, nothing particularly interesting but it’s nice to see her idols face. She's just about to close the tab when she notices something move in the last frame of the video, just as the camera is fading out. She rewinds, pauses and looks again. Its visible, but very barely due to the blur. She takes a screencap and zooms in. She has to be mistaken, it ... Can't be. A sharpen filter is applied. Just as the video is almost fully black the arm of a pyjama stop slips out the side of the edge of his bed. A very female top. Tumblr had to know about this.

**

 

  
He had seen the posts first, being a more active user of social media. Patrick had screwed up... BIG TIME. It may not have seemed like much but it could have huge repercussions for his career if the group of people who had noticed it picked up many more members - and more importantly goodness knows what it would mean for everyone else involved. Pete decided to phone Patrick to warn him in advance.  
"Hey, Pete!" He obviously hadn't heard yet.  
"Patrick? We got a biggie" Pete explains the situation to Patrick but he just waves him off.  
"Nah Pete, it's fine we, It'll blow over soon. It was basically obvious already so...." Pete seethes. How could he be so coy about this?  
"Fine Patrick... But don't say I didn't warn you"

**

  
Thank God for business trips. Due to his excellent performance in the Shanghai office Andy had gone back several times over the last three months. Andy gone means Patrick and this means you look forward to his departures more than you should, although you do always miss your older brother. Patrick had been pressuring you for a while now to tell him, but everything was so easy and happy at the moment that you couldn't stand the chance of tipping your life out of equilibrium. Patrick had told you pretty soon after you started dating that he couldn't work afternoons anymore because he was doing some free-lance contact work on video editing or something, which you hadn't really questioned as he seemed to know his way around a computer. This had meant you were able to employ some afternoon help by the name of Charlene - a soft pretty girl with a surprisingly incredible wit despite her apparent shyness - who seemed to get on well with Andy, though she always seemed to be giving Pete odd looks. Andy had been getting laxer with you recently too, and you, him, Pete and Joe are back to full squad status.  Today you'd even managed to stay around Patrick's flat, which was rare for many reasons and you'd both decided to take a weekend off for your anniversary in a couple of weeks. Life is good and you are enjoying every minute of it. 

It's currently Sunday night and you are waiting for Patrick to get off the phone with Pete (which he seems to be doing a lot lately) so you could unpause your film. Yesterday had been your anniversary and Patrick's gift of an Alice in Wonderland charm bracelet still sits heavy on your wrist. You had got made an intricate snow globe of the Ferris wheel where he had first told you that he loved you, months ago at a late night fun fair that you two had visited several times while it was on. You had almost had second thoughts about giving it to him as you were so worried he wouldn't like it but you had been proved hilariously wrong and it now sits pride of place on his mantelpiece.  
Patrick is arguing yet again with his best friend, though you can't hear and don't know.  
"Patrick I swear to God, you've got to tell her"  
"It’s not the right moment Pete... I'll do it when I feel ready, Ok?"  
"This isn't about you. It's the danger you're putting her in."  
"Nobody is going to ID us, no one has directly ever since I moved here Pete."  
"Trick you need to -"  
"Pete I'm done talking about this with you, Goodbye" Patrick hangs up and Pete is left with words still ripe on his tongue. Patrick strolls back into the living room and turns to you.  
"Andy called yet?" You check your phone and shake your head.  
"Nah, he still thinks I'm on a weekend cookery course babe - we're safe." Patrick frowns slightly.  
"You promised we'd tell him last week Y/N. I can't just lie to your brother anymore." You sigh and roll your eyes.  
"Fine Trick. How does tomorrow sound? Andy's been trying to get me to invite you round for dinner for a while." You think for a moment. "Actually better make that Tuesday he's going to some weird motorcycle thing tomorrow with his work friends and won’t be back till late." Patrick raises an eyebrow at you.   
"No babysitter this time?" You laugh, smiling at him.  
"Andy's easing up on me recently. We had a talk about how I wanted to be more independent and I think he really listened to me... He said he thinks I'm responsible enough to not put myself at risk anymore." Patrick laughs at you but you ignore him. "I think my night terrors stopping had kinda helped him chill out a bit too." Patrick squeezes himself onto the sofa next to you but before you can un-pause the film he pulls out a pizza menu from his back pocket. Your eyes widen immediately and he smirks at your response.   
"Hungry?"  
"Do you even have to ask?" He chuckles at this and shakes his head gently.  
"Anyone would think Pizza is your boyfriend more than I am"  
"Oh, you know the drill Patrick. If pizza called, I'd dump you in a second" You wink at him and he looks mock offended.  
"Well, at least I know where I stand Y/N" You slap him lightly on the shoulder in response and you both settle down to order dinner. You don't usually get delivery, Patrick is funny about it, but today he seems too relaxed and too comfortable to bother to drive to the new pizza place you were trying out.

You have to drag yourself off the sofa when the doorbell rings. Patrick hands you the cash and you wrench open the door, the thought of pizza giving you the energy to move. Looking at you from behind Patrick's apartment door is Charlene, carrying a pizza box and wearing on an oddly snazzy uniform. She doesn't notice you at first as she is viscously typing on her mobile phone but as you clear your throat she looks up.  
"Oh god, um Coalfire deliv- wait. Y/N?" You are as confused as she is.  
"Charlene? You work at Coalfire?" She scratches the back of her head, awkwardly.  
"Um yeah, some .um ...extra spending money” You smile at her and hear Patrick approach from behind - confused by the commotion.   
"Oh, I don't think you've met my boyfriend. Patrick this is Charlene, my afternoon helps at the café and apparent Pizza girl. Charlene this is Patrick, my boyfriend and glamorous morning assistant." Patrick waves but she has an odd look on her face, like she recognises him from somewhere. You go to get the money but drop it haphazardly on the floor. Patrick bends down to pick it up and hands it back to you, slipping one arm around your waist as he does. If you both hadn't been so distracted you would have heard the click of Charlene's cell phone camera.

POV: Charlene  
Her next delivery was taking an age to come to the door so Charlene decided to check her group chat. She had left school at 18, as her parents couldn't afford college and had managed to land two pretty cushy jobs that worked around her online study, but still keeps in contact with her old school friends. (mostly via this group chat) They were currently discussing the hottest men they'd ever seen and one of her old mates was spamming with pictures of some YouTuber she was obsessed with. She was telling her to shut the hell up when the door opened and surprisingly her boss from her other job, Y/N, was standing on the other side. They made awkward conversion until her boyfriend came over. She had to blink twice when she saw him. He was a dead ringer for the pictures she had just seen. Then Y/N dropped the cash and Charlene took the opportunity to sneak a picture of this weird lookalike to send to the group chat. Maybe that will shut her friend up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	9. After a High...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, I have the rest of this prewitten from ages ago so I'm just gonna stick it all up for anyone that feels like reading it (reader insert fics are too rare these days) Also sorry for the cliffhanger

You're stood behind the counter, this Monday is slow, and you're day-dreaming. You don't mean it to happen but your mind automatically wonders to Patrick, as usual.  He was going to be here today but he had told you he was going to visit a friend in Northbrook so you had graciously let him have the day off. Annoyingly enough Charlene had called in sick so you were alone with just your thoughts and the occasional customer all day. As your fingers absentmindedly trace the charms on the bracelet still on your wrist you think back, more specifically to the night on the Ferris wheel where Patrick had told you he loved you.

The evening had been bright and cold, without a cloud to be seen in the midnight blue sky, Patrick had eventually suggested you got a better view of the stars by taking a ride on the Ferris wheel. You hadn't been that keen, you loved stars but heights were not your favourite thing, but a quick pleading look from Patrick and you'd relented. This had been the second time you'd gone to the midnight fair with him and last time you had been rudely interrupted by the rain, you just wanted tonight to be perfect. The Ferris wheel was relatively empty except for a couple of people on the opposite end to you as you mounted it. The seat bench was claustrophobically small, so you and Patrick were almost sitting on each other's laps which made the both of you laugh in an attempt to diffuse the tension. You were reaching the top of the loop when a ghastly noise began to emanate from behind you. You squeezed your eyes shut, _come on all I ask for is one disaster free date, just one._  But fate laughed at you and the wheel came to a sudden, jolting stop; leaving you precariously positioned against the safety bar keeping you from falling to your death. You remember a terrifying second of gazing down into what awaited you below before a pair of warm arms wrapped around you and pulled you toward their owner. You tried to steady your panicked breathing but being held close to Patrick's chest was not helping in this endeavour. He sensed your panic and tried to calm you down, gently taking one of your hands squeezing it tightly.  
"How about we look at the stars?" You'd both lifted your head upwards to gaze at the very few stars you could see. The view was better there but the light pollution still meant that you couldn't make much out. You sat there for a while gazing at the stars with his hand in yours when suddenly you found yourself singing gently.  
" _look at the stars_ "

Patrick turned his head to face you a strange look on his face.

 _"look how they shine for you"_  

He sang the next line and turned back toward the stars, closing his eyes gingerly.

" _and everything you do"_  

He takes a slow deep breath as if letting go of something and you finish it for him.

  
_"and they were all Yellow"_  

His eyes are still closed but the pressure on your hand increases slightly as you tail off.  
"sometime imma take you where we can see all the stars... Properly" His voice was quiet and almost drowsy. You relaxed the last bit of anxiety resting in your bones and cuddled closer to him, your head resting just under his.  
"I'd like that" you said, in an equally quiet tone. He moved his arms tighter against you.  
"Y/N...?"  
"mhhmm?"  
"I think I love you" You took a moment to think and then pulled back to look him in the eye.  
"You know what Patrick..." He looked apprehensive  
"Great minds think alike" 

The sound of your phone buzzing snaps you from reliving anymore of that evening. It's Andy and he tells you he might be home even later than he though because everyone is going out for drinks. You tap out a quick reply and decide to savour what could be the last evening you spend free from Andy's wrath. You and Patrick are going to tell him tomorrow and you know he's not going to be pleased, not just about your relationship but about how much you've lied to him. At first it had just been because you didn't know how serious you and Patrick were and wanted to avoid potential conflicts about it. Then it just got easier to lie. No difficult conversations, no explaining why you didn't tell him from the beginning, no possible repercussions. Nice and simple, if you don't count the bare faced lies.

Patrick is sat in the recording room of JasoNxHarmonY, or as he knew him just Jason, having an almost identical train of thought. There was no way he couldn't tell you about what he really did, he just couldn't face lying to you anymore. He'd have to tell you tonight, after he gets back from filming this. He didn't know how you'd take it but he couldn't keep such a big piece of his life away from you anymore. You had both been talking about maybe moving in together pretty soon, especially if Andy went bat-shit crazy, and there'd be no hiding it then anyway.

_Melissa POV_

For weeks she had been furious, frantic. The amount of people she'd defended her ship to over the years - shed been in an actual physical fight over it, and this...this garbage dared to put it at risk. She knows it had been close for a while, they had been doing more collabs, they had seemed so close! But now all he talks about his "Partner", which was fine when everyone thought they knew it was Pete. But now!? Melissa was a laughing stock, on the internet and in real life. Her entire blog rested on that ship...and now it's worthless. She gazes down at the fan art collection she'd worked up over the years, thumbing through and seeing her art skill progress. She laughs and picks it up. There are years of hard work in here, thousands of hours dedicated to ship fan art. Thousands of hours... wasted. She is about to burn it along with her hopes and dreams when her phone rings.  
"Melissa!?"  
"... Abby?"  
"Haven't you seen it!? The whole internet is freaking out!"  
"Seen what?"  
"Just believe me, go on Tumblr"  
"Oh my god"  
"Got the bitches address too Mel."  
"Our city!? The whole fucking time!?"  
"I know, right"  
"Abs we need to call a taxi"

_You POV_

You decide to close up early so you can take a nap, today has taken it all out of you. The store is quiet and it’s pretty dark outside which sets you on edge slightly. You can't help but miss Patrick, even if he's just gone for the day, you two have seen each other almost every day since meeting. It feels as if he's completed you, like a final jigsaw piece, and there's no way of separating him from your life anymore. You are reflecting on the cheesiness of this as you take the trash out to the bins behind the café. You go to push them inside and trip over, cursing your clumsiness as the bin lids crash onto the cold hard ground. It's then that you notice figures approaching from the other end of the backstreet, probably attracted by the noise. You can't make them out very well but turn your attention back to attempting to put out your trash. It's then you hear a scream.  
"WHORE"


	10. I Will Go Down With The Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh

You didn't think the girl was going to take you down until she did. Your head swims from the impact and dark spots float over your vision. Now her sharp nails have begun raking across your face as she pins you to the ground while her friend jeers her on. You desperately struggle but your assailant seems to have superhuman strength in the way she holds you down. She's screaming and so are you. You start to kick, viscously trying to dislodge her, but the second girl gets something out her pocket and you soon feel something cold and hard pressed up against your arm. You can't move your head enough to see but you have a pretty good idea and scream louder. The girl on top of you sees and ceases both the movement of her fingers and her screaming, although holding your head hard against the sidewalk. Her accomplice begins to speak.  
"Shut the fuck up or have Whore carved on your arm bone" She's talking slowly and calmly and it's terrifying. You take a deep shaky breath in.  
"What...do you want?" You know it was a mistake to speak as feel a rip of pain as what turned out to be a blade sharply enters your skin. You flinch but lock your jaw shut.  
"Better" She hands the blade to the other girl and she gingerly takes it, sizing up your face.  
"I'm going to make you so ugly he'll never want you" she whispers in your ear and you whimper slightly. The girl who is still crouched by your arm spits at you and sneers.  
"And you're gonna tell us where they live. Both of -"   
"HEY!!" Whose voice is that? The girl not currently on top of you takes one look behind you and sprints and moments later you feel the heavy weight on your waist be abruptly removed.  "Y/N!?" Oh god is that... Andy? You manage to pull yourself up but your vision is woozy and you can only manage a sitting position. You see Andy, a look of terror and fury on his face, holding your initial assailant by the wrists as she writhes and screams anger in her eyes. She's still looking at you and you can make out more of her words now.  
"YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE, YOU FUCKING WHORE JUST WAIT UNTIL I FIND YOU AGAIN" You hearing fades in and out and the street starts to spin. You faintly see one of Andy's biker friends rush through the back door, drawn in by the commotion, and feel someone's catch your head as you drift into the unconscious.

 

 

You awake to muggy vision and stinging pain. It's hard for you to open your eyes and the general fatigue extends to the rest of your body as you attempt to move. When you finally open your eyes, you find yourself alone in a hospital bed, a linen dressing adorning your arm and the unremarkable sting of antiseptic fresh on your face. You start to price things together. You got attacked. You passed out. Andy must have got you to hospital. But...where was he? It was uncharacteristic of your brother to have left you alone in a hospital bed after getting jumped by what you seem to remember to be manic teen girls. You wonder if maybe he's gone to the toilet or to get some coffee when a nurse walks into the room. Her expression doesn't change as she sees you.

"Oh...you're awake" You ignore the boredom in her voice.

"Did...have you seen my brother at all?"

"Bearded guy?" You nod "Brought you in then was talking to the officer for a bit. Stormed out muttering about a man called Patrick or something" She frowned as if remembering something. "Oh yeah, I'll show the officer in - she's been waiting to speak to you." She doesn't ask your permission, just struts out to retrieve the strange woman who seems to be more friendly than your less than pleasant nurse.

 "Hi there, I'm Officer Clarke. You must he Miss YL/N" You wince slightly. You'd always thought about changing your surname hut it was the only thing of your mother that you had left.

 "That's me... but just call me Y/N" Your voice is croaky and the attempt at sounding upbeat failed. Officer Clarke gingerly sits on the chair next to your bed.

" I hate to disturb you Mi- Y/N...but I need your testimony to build our case." You frown mildly and nod. "Um sure yeah" "So tell me in your own words...what happened."

"Well I was closing up my café...and...and suddenly I hear this screaming. Next thing I know it there's this girl holding me down and clawing me half to death" You indicate your face and the Police Officer winces slightly. "I screamed and the other girl she was with .... She must have had some sort of knife or something.... She...um...decided to quieten me down." The officers’ eyes wonder to your bandaged arm and you feel the full force of pain radiate off it. Thank god they'd put you on morphine. "It's all a blur then... I think the first girl was going to get more creative but I remember Andy .... And .... And then it's all black." The woman nods solemnly and you notice she was recording it all on a small silver Dictaphone.

"Well I can fill you in on what we know, same as I did for your brother." Your eyes widen, did they know why you were targeting by these maniacs? "The main suspect we have in custody is Melissa Cutforth. She's 14, no criminal history. From what we've established from her, and investigation of her belongings, is that she harboured an unhealthy obsession with an internet personality." You're just more confused now. "We're not sure yet how this exactly links to you, she seemed to think you are somehow connected to this man and his friend... But what we do know is she had a backpack with a concerning amount of household cleaners in. No doubt the girl was planning some sort of homemade acid attack. It's lucky your brother stepped in when he did." The mention of your brother draws your attention back and you start to piece things together.

 "Officer."

 "Yes Y/N"

 "What was the name of this 'internet personality'?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUH DUH DUUUHHHHH


	11. Down The Rabbit Hole

You flag down a Taxi, barely even noticing that you’re still in your flimsy hospital gown. As soon as you’d heard the name and remembered what the nurse had said about your brother you knew you had to go. You are sure there must be some sort of reasonable explanation to what you’ve managed to piece together but from experience you assume Andy will not have had the same conclusion.  You’d tried phoning him and Patrick in the payphone in the hospital but to no avail. Luckily he had left his wallet on your hospital table, so you feel confident in giving the taxi driver Patrick's address. As the car pulls off you gaze out of the window, only just noticing that it’s the morning of the next day – you must have been out for hours. The tension builds as the car gets closer, you are hit with an utmost sense of urgency. Maybe… Maybe if you get there fast enough you can stop Andy before it gets too late. You can make him see sense and you three can just talk the whole thing out. Even though you suspect he’s been lying to you, you don’t want the man you love to get hurt. By the time you arrive you are a ball of nerves. You tell the driver to wait for you as you sprint down the drive. You ring the bell, hard. No one answers. Your eyes drag the street around you – you can’t see Patrick's car. Luckily the taxi driver offers you his mobile, mood softened by your dishevelled state, and you type in Pete’s number – shaking as the phone rings.

“Hello?” He answers groggily as if you’ve just woke him up.

“Pete, where is Patrick – I need to know!” He immediately sounds more alert at your tone.

“Y/N? Isn’t he there with you? At the café?” You scorn yourself for forgetting – of course that’s where he’d be.

“Right, thanks Pete. I gotta go.”

“bu- “You cut him off as you slip the driver back his phone and give him the new destination. You just hope that you’re not too late.

It seems like hours later when you arrive at your apartment. You shove cash in the direction of the cabbie, and sprint toward the back entrance, as it is the closest. The door is unlocked and you run inside – trying to ignore the pain raging through you. There you see Andy, stood next to a fallen table, with dark eyes yet an oddly calm expression. He backs up slightly when he sees you.

“You should be at the hospital” You’re terrified. What has he done?

“Andy… Oh god, where’s Patrick.” His expression gets even harder and you want to shrink away.

“Patrick” He takes a deep solid breath to calm himself. “Is not a name you need to worry about anymore.” Your eyes are wide, breathing shallow and rapid and you can feel Andy’s eyes settle on your arm. His terrifying look fades and is replaced by one of familiar fraternal concern. You look down too and see the red blooming on your once-white bandage. “I’m going to drive you back to the hospital. You shouldn’t have come here.”

“but An-“ His gaze turns frosty.

“We can talk about this when you’re not bleeding, Ok?” You mutely nod, fear for the fate of your boyfriend still set deep inside you. Neither of you says anything in the car journey back, and soon the nurses have you hustled back into your hospital bed – scolding you for leaving and tightening your stitches. When it’s only you and him left in the room Andy finally sits down. He doesn’t say anything – just stares blankly at the wall. You’re still scared shitless about whatever had happened between him and Patrick and you try to glean something from him.

“Andy…?” He turns to look at you, a vacant stare in his eyes. “Is Patr – “ You are interrupted.

“I thought I said you didn’t have to worry about him anymore.” His voice is quiet and so you wrongly assume he is calm.

“He’s my boyfriend Andy, of course I have to worry about him!” You realise it slipped out, but Andy doesn’t look shocked. He does however, look terrifyingly angry.

“Not anymore. He lost that privilege as soon as he put you in danger” His eyes float to your arm and his tone hardens even more. “Of course, I’d have checked he was safe. If you’d bothered telling me.” His face turns bitter and your guilt is immeasurable. “I thought we were making progress. Honestly, I did. I thought you’d seen sense the moment you stopped letting my one of best friends take advantage of you.” His fists clench at the memory of this. “But then you let the next guy that comes along do whatever he wants, with no regards to your safety.” He takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I shouldn’t expect you to realise how naïve you are.” His tone shifts again. “I bet he told you he loved you. That you just couldn’t tell me cause I’d get in the way.” Andy looks you right in the eye. “Well - “

Just then the door of the room slams open and Pete runs in, breathless. The look Andy gives him is less than welcoming and Pete doesn’t clock it. He goes to move closer to your bedside but finds his way blocked by him.

“Start talking Wentz or I swear to god I’ll do something we’ll both regret.” Pete takes a step backwards.

“Whoa, Whoa. That’s what I came here to do Hurls” Pete’s use of the nickname is obviously a mistake and makes Andy tense, which he ignores. “I…um… don’t really know what you know, like really not at all, already but I’ll – .”

“I’m losing my patience Pete” Andy’s voice is almost a growl.

“Right, Yeah ok Sorry. So in a nutshell me and Patrick – .” The mention of his name elicits a guttural sound from Andy. “um… well we make videos on the internet. I did shitty poetry originally, but I can write a pretty decent track or two.” He notices he’s going off track and immediately rectifies himself. “I met Patrick through YouTube, we work on a lot of our music together. Anyway fast forward a couple of years and um … well we have quite a large fan base.” He turns his attention to you and his tones changes to one of pleading. “I tried to convince Patrick to tell you earlier but he jus –“ Andy steps in.

“Just get to it Pete.”

“Fine, Yeah. Where was I?” He sighs. “Patrick wrote a song about a year ago. I didn’t notice anything – except he doesn’t usually write his own lyrics – but his fans did. The song was about someone he had crushed on for the whole of high school.” You can feel the tension in the room rise. “The song was about Y/N.”

“And what the fuck does this have to do with her getting jumped Pete?”

“I’m getting to it. Well people knew me and him had grown up in the same town – although he was living out west at this point – and they made … assumptions.” Pete’s blushing but he continues anyway. “We let the rumour spread cause, to be honest, it got us more views and wasn’t doing any harm. Patrick got drunk once and let slip who the song was really about to me.”  Pete’s shifting his weight from one foot to another and you can see from his body language that you’re not going to like what he says next. “So I told him I knew you. And I did promise to set him up when the moment was right in return for him continuing to keep the rumour going” Andy had refrained from speaking for a while, but this completely bypasses his attempt at calming down.

“WHAT THE FUCK PETE!? YOU’RE GONNA PIMP OUT MY SISTER? GET THE FUCK OUT, RIGHT NOW.”

Pete looks panicked.

“No, wait, I can explain!” Andy looks as if he is about to skin Pete right there and then as Pete holds his hands out, ready. “I really wanted to invest in the new garage, and at the time I was running really low on cash. We both knew that my channel had grown massively cause of the rumour and Patrick wasn’t doing too bad out of it either.” His body sags slightly as Andy seems to stop advancing toward him. “In the last year, I never really thought much of it. But about 6 months ago Patrick moved down here so it would be easier to work on our music together. I … dropped some hints and then Andy asked him to look after the café.” Your feel stuck in time. “Patrick did a vlog about him finally kissing his high school crush ….and …. well …. It got more than double the amount of hits and started a sub surge on both our channels. I told him to keep going with them and he took my advice.” Your lip is trembling.

“So… When you told me you thought he’d be better for me than Joe…. That’s what you meant?” You’re barely fighting back tears. “That you could make more money off it?” Pete opens his mouth to protest, but you get there first. “Finish what you have to say, then get the fuck out.” Pete clocks he hasn’t got much time left and tries to talk faster.

“It **wasn’t** that – but - this isn’t about me. This is about you. Basically Trick fucked up and left one of your nighties in a frame of a video” Andy growls yet again at the insinuation but Pete continues, trying to get everything in. “People started witch-hunting. I tried to warn him but he didn’t want to tell you. He was worried that you’d hate him for spilling as much as he did to the internet and he just wanted to keep his life easy and avoid the difficult conversation. He was going to tell you eventually bu-“ Pete is yet again interrupted.

“Did …. When … Did he tell them about _everything_?” Pete grimaces.

“Nothing graphic, but pretty much else.” Your mind wonders to the moments you thought were special. That night on the Ferris wheel, countless days out and evenings in. Where they real? Or just an elaborate stage to set up a story to appease masses of anonymous viewers.  You feel violated, like everything you thought was safe, was just between you and your boyfriend, had been ripped violently into the public view.

“How many views – on average?” You’re not sure you want to know but you have to ask. Pete looks like he is about to cry too, his cocky demeanour from earlier all but faded. His words come out in an almost whisper.

“’bout 2 million, give or take.” Your breathing is laboured and your eyes wet but you indicate at Pete to continue. There’s not much more that he could say to shatter your heart anyway.

“By the looks of it someone delivering you pizza got a pic that leaked onto social media. I don’t know how they got your address bu-“

“Charlene” You whisper. “I think it was Charlene.” You can’t stop the tears now and you turn away from Pete to cry in privacy. Andy hustles him out of the door but Pete is shouting at you.

“Y/N! He was a dick, but he loves you! He really fucking loves you!” You don’t hear anymore as Andy drags Pete out of the door and closes it behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D: D: D: such drama, much plot twist , stale meme


	12. For A Second I Was In Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short one but stick it out x

Patrick just thought he was turning up for work. He was expecting to gingerly tell you about his second job, get through the day and then face Andy in the evening. He unlocked the door, expecting Y/N to be inside and called out.  
"Baby, we need to talk real quick"  
Instead he had walked into the café to find Andy waiting for him at one of the tables. Patrick's saw the expression on the older man's face and stopped dead in his tracks. Oh shit, what had he just said.  
"... Andy ... Hey..." Patrick's voice betrayed his fear. Had he just given away the game? Where was Y/N? Andy stood up and Patrick cautiously makes his way over.  "Is .... Everything ... OK with you?"    
"You tell me Patrick. My sister got jumped by random teens and is in hospital. The Police told me it had something to do with you and your little side job." He took a step closer to him and Patrick had to stop himself from shrinking away, though his mind was racing - was Y/N OK?. "And to top it off it seems I was wrong about you. I saw the way you look at her Stump. But I didn't think you stoop low enough to fuck with her behind my back!" He almost spits the curse and Patrick tries to get a word in.  
"Andy, Y/N and I were going to tell you bu -"  
"Don't you dare say her name you sack of shit" Andy then had reached forward and and grabbed Patrick by the collar of his shirt - lifting him a good inch off the ground. "I don't give a fuck what you have to say" Patrick's eyes were wide open and his hands started to shake as he tried to release himself. "I'm here to tell you to get the fuck out of her life. That's it." He shoved him back down to ground level, knocking the table over in the process with his other hand. "You aren't going to go anywhere near her, or so help me God they won't be able to identify your corpse." He sneered at the shaking man in disgust. "Now get the fuck out of my building before I call the police" Patrick hesitated, he had to know if Y/N is OK.  
"Just..." Andy looked as if he is about to beat him to shit. "Please... Tell me how she is" He didn't soften his expression even slightly and took a step closer.  
"That's none of your concern anymore pretty-boy." His fists clenched. “I’m going to give you five seconds to get out of my sight - " He didn't have to finish his sentence before Patrick had left, desperately fumbling for his mobile to phone Pete.

 

_You POV_

You lay in the hospital bed and watched Andy. He just sat there most of the time, staring blankly into the distance. You wondered why he even bothered coming in to see you, but you knew his reasoning. Yes, he is pissed with you, yes you've broken his trust. But you are still his sister and he needs to be there for you. Part of you wishes Patrick would come storming in and carry you away, but you scold your foolish thoughts. Patrick lied to you, Patrick used you - _yet you still love him -_  the nagging voice in your head reminds you. You've tried your hardest to erase every positive feeling you've ever had but the happiness and unadulterated joy of your time with Patrick seems persistent. You know you should be angrier, you should be cursing his name - and in many ways you are. But a slither of you, deep inside, still holds out. Part of you still loves him, still _wants_  him, and you feel all the guiltier because of it. Pete on the other hand, you have no problem despising. You think part of the reason Andy looks so lifeless is the loss his best friend. You'd don't know what Andy said to him once they had left the room but you gather they didn't part amicably by the expression on his face when he walked back into the room. The guilt drowns you like a beach at high tide. You had made him lose all his friends. It was your fault he was sat there staring at the wall with stormy eyes and half-clenched fists. You want to burrow your head into your pillow and hid, but all sleep brings is horror. Your night terrors have made a surprise appearance already and you just focus on trying not to sleep. You can't tell what's worse. Your waking nightmare or your sleeping one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put this fic in a text to speech thing once and the line "so help me god they wont be able to identify your corpse" was read so cheerfully that I choked.
> 
> just fyi


	13. Unwanted Precognition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really couldn't think of another title xo

_“All I know_

_All I know_

_Is that I'm lost_

_Whenever you go_

_All I know_

_Is that I love you so_

_So much that it hurts”_

An extract from **Ink** by **Coldplay**

That night your exhausted body falls into sleep without permission and in the haze of your dreams your problems are momentarily forgotten. Soon you a face appears in front of you; Patrick's face. For a moment it’s like nothing ever happened, you’re gazing into his mesmerising eyes and he’s smiling at you. You notice you’re now sitting back on that Ferris wheel bench under the stars but even in sleep you can tell somethings wrong. It’s too quiet, too perfect, and looking at the man sitting next to you gives you a bad feeling deep down. Tears surface in your eyes and Dream-Patrick gently wipes them away with his soft fingertips.

“What’s wrong baby?” You can’t answer him. Every time you try to think to why he’s making you feel so sad it’s almost like your mind repels you from your own memories.  You hold him by the shoulders.

“I love you” It comes out much more urgent and sorrowful than you meant it but Dream-Patrick doesn’t even notice.

“My heart is yours, babe, you know that.” He’s smiling at you but you feel pain rip through you at his words. “Forever and always.” It feels like a hot poker is begin dragged across your spine. He leans to whisper into your ear. “I love you.” Where his breath touched your skin it burns and the immeasurable misery that comes welling up from inside you just doesn’t make sense. The scene is fading but you can just make out his final words. “Never forget that.”

You blink and suddenly you are standing in a graveyard. You hear sobs behind you and turn to see your father sat on a bench, head in his hands. Suddenly Andy is there. You try and reach out but your hand goes right through him. Your Dad lifts his head and gives Andy the stoniest look you’ve ever seen come from the gentle, kind man.

“So you decided to show?” he spits through tears. Andy looks guiltily at the floor.

“Dad, you know as much as I do she wouldn’t have wanted me there. She made that pretty clear when she moved.” His eyes harden. “Did **_they_** turn up?” Your Dad’s hands clench.

“Didn’t even do her that justice.” Andy sits down heavily next to him and you desperately try to reach out to either of them to comfort them, to find out what is going on. Is it your mother? Is she OK? Where did she move? What happened between her and Andy? “It was just me, And … Just me” He slams his fist down onto the bench and a disturbed flock of blackbirds take flight from the tree next to him. “Why her!?” His burst of anger seems short-lived and he bows his head yet again. It must be your mother, you think. She must have died. Your flood of sorrow is tinted with confusion. Why weren’t you there for her funeral? Andy speaks up again, voice almost a whisper.

“I tried to get Joe to go Dad, I really did. But they haven’t talked in years and … well when she full on cheated with him on their anniversary I think she destroyed any chance of staying his friend.” Your father sighs and looks pensively in the opposite direction to your brother. Your mind is a mess – what the hell is going on!?

“I’m sorry for what I said before son.” Andy takes a deep shaky breath.

“It’s fine Dad, we were all so shocked, you just said wha-“

“You know I don’t really think that. I just … I just needed someone to blame.” Andy lightly places his hand on your father’s shoulder.

“I’m going to find them.” His voice is ominous. “I’m going to make them pay.”

Your Dad contemplates this for a while and slowly nods his head.  As he gets up, you notice he has a single red rose in his hand.

“I just wish your mother had at least keep the farce up for longer and come to say goodbye.”

He takes three steps forward, walking right past you, and you twist your torso desperately to see what he’s doing. He walks over to a grave that you can’t quite see and places the flower on it. Your feet are suddenly realised and you can move. You run toward him and notice the sky getting darker and darker every second. “Goodbye, Y/N” You hear your fathers whispered words as you catch a glimpse of your name etched into a marble headstone. Your vision flashes with images of your pale, unmoving corpse and unexpectedly you find yourself lying in a grave with a harsh morning sky above you. You’re screaming but two strange figures begin shovelling dirt onto your stiff, immovable body.

“Poor sod had an empty funeral.” One of them laughs.

“Must have been a real bitch” The other remarks, shovelling harder. You’re choking, and as the dirt falls onto your face you feel the unmistakable sensation of tiny insect legs crawling over your cheeks. You desperately try to claw them off but you feel chunks of your skin come away under your fingernails, as if you are already rotting. You’re shaken awake, blood and tears streaming down your face and lungs sore from screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sOrrY aBoUT aLl tHE cOlDplAy


	14. Too Many Types of Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay! more explanation of wtf is actually going on!  
> Also appreciate the 11/10 fake usernames

It had taken hours for you to calm. Even now your hands still shake and your eyes still water. Andy’s words did nothing to bring you down like they used to. You know who’s voice you crave but you also know how foolish this desire is. You, theoretically, could whip out your mobile phone and in a few short clicks he’d be the other end of the line. This option tempts you immeasurably but you know its not really plausible. Even if he did pick up, what would you say to him? Ask him if your relationship was real? No. You were not going to phone him. Suddenly you have an idea. Pete mentioned that they both had YouTube channels. Where better to listen to the voice of the man that you once loved. It takes you a few minutes but you manage to find his page. His channel was called “InfinityOnHigh” though all the branding featured his name and face so it wasn’t too hard to identify. You spot a link to “RainyDayKid” which you guess is Pete as that used to be his MSN name back in the day. You click on the first video on his homepage and close your eyes to listen to his voice. Luckily Andy has gone to get you both coffee from the Starbucks down the road, so you are free to listen in peace.

“ _What’s up pals, Trick here. Now I know I don’t do vlogs often and you’re probably waiting for a cool new original to come out but I just couldn’t keep this to myself. Now I’m not going to talk details cause I know the internet”_ He laughs, nervously. “ _So we’ll call the person in question X. I know! I know! It’s not original, but I couldn’t come up with anything better… So you all know about my song “I'm Like a Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off” – if you don’t’ there’s gonna be a link in the description - and you probably know I wrote it for my high school crush.”_ Your breathing hitches as you realise the video you have inadvertently clicked on, but you don’t turn it off. “ _Well X is that crush and I saw them recently for the first time in quite a while.”_ The nervous giggle is back but it’s much happier now. _“and yesterday… Yesterday I got my game on.”_ There’s a brief period of silence. _“I just couldn’t help myself and I kissed X. I know I shouldn’t have but I did. I should be feeling regret but I just feel happy. Long-time fans of mine probably know that’s quite a rare thing for me these days but….”_ He trails off. “ _I feel like I did in high school all over again. I don’t really know if X even likes me back. But our … um … daily routines mean I can’t really avoid contact…. So I hope I was right. You guys better have your fingers crossed for me anyway. I hope this video has answered all the commenters who keep asking if I’m OK. I’m great, I’m better than ever and I thought I should share the joy a bit with you, my fans. Well that's about it for this shitty daily vlog about my love life. I've been InfinityOnHigh, Thanks for watching.”_ Your heart is in your mouth. This isn’t what you’d expected at all. You find a playlist of all the vlogs and listen to them one by one until the words are a blur in your head.

“ _I told X how I felt today…..” “….Happiest person in the world…” “…All I’ve ever wanted” “….fair and I hope X likes it cause….” “… doesn’t even know how much I love…” “Update! We spent a week together and I can’t get enough…” “…might move in, so maybe X’s identity can be revealed”_

You see a comment on the last video that intrigues you.

“ **xxPeteTrick101xx : why dyd u delte this vid?”** Underneath was a URL. The video was of Patrick but you hadn’t seen it before, it looked as if it had been ripped from a video that had since been deleted by Patricks channel. The video was short and the timestamp put it as occurring the morning after you’d been attacked.

“ _What’s up pals, Trick here. Today’s vlog is just a short one for you to wish me luck. I’m going to tell X about this channel. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. Why the hell doesn’t X know? Well I was worried about forcing this world on someone I love. It… well you know… can be tough and you’ve got to have a thick skin. But I believe in you guys and I hope that you will only ever have nice things to say to X. Anyway… Wish me luck and I’ll be back with an update soon.”_  You don’t know what to think. You can see why people might have mistaken “X” for Pete, but the videos were not at all what Pete made you think. Patrick didn’t delve into your feelings and spill them onto the web. He delved into his feelings instead. All the things he was too shy to tell you, the inner-most depths of his love for you. And you could see it in his eyes. He did love you. He didn’t want to gossip to his fan base; He wanted to show them how happy he was. They were like his friend, you realised, and he was cheering them up as much as he could by sharing what made him happy. You.

 

The tell-tale sound of the door opening reaches your ears and you hurriedly slip your phone under your body. However much you wanted to act on your revelation you didn't want any more confrontation with Andy, at least for now. He half smiles at you and hands your coffee, still steaming hot. You nod in thanks. You two still haven't really spoken much, but you guess that as today you are being released that that will have to change soon.   
In the car on the way home, Andy is still pretty silent. You attempt to start a conversation.  
"So, um, I guess the regulars'll be happy when I open again." Andy sighs.  
"Look, Y/N, I still don't know the situation. For now, nothing is opening." You have to bite your tongue to refrain from protesting, the memory of his mourning face from your dream helping you stop the cutting comment on the tip of your tongue. I guess that put an end to that conversation. Your thoughts drift to how the relationship with your brother had soured so much. You realised that this was still your fault but it seemed as if Andy was doing nothing to help you try and patch things up. Your emotions are still in turmoil as you pull up into the parking spot and exit the car. Andy is glancing suspiciously at every single stranger walking past and his eyes settle on a group of young people positioned close to the alley where you got jumped. he, rather violently, takes you by the hand and bundles you inside the flat as soon as he physically can. It's then you notice how bloodshot his eyes are and how dreadfully stressed he looks. You bite down hard on the inside of your mouth. You shouldn't be so hard on him after everything he puts himself through for you. You reach forward and wrap your arms around him; face burying into his ruffled shirt. Tears brim in your eyes but you hold them back. He doesn't even hesitate in bringing him arms around you so you are surrounded in the embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pssst i lied, im not sorry about the coldplay


	15. The One That Got Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cause this is a burst upload the chapter titles are ass, I make no apologies

"I'm. So. Sorry." You say tearfully into his shirt and his arms tighten.

"It's Ok. It's Ok." He's whispering into your hair and your body trembles still fighting off tears. You pull away and he's looking at you, guiltily. "I... I'm sorry for being so cold sis. I know it wasn't all your fault and I know you didn't really mean what you did." His expression falls into sadness. "It's just... Your night terrors are back and you just look so sad and I just..."  He tails off. "If there's something I can do. Just tell me." You think about talking to him now about Patrick but decide not to ruin this moment. You smile at him softly.

"You're here for me and that's all I need And." He doesn't look convinced but leaves you be to wash and change. When you are clean and dry you lie on your bed trying to process everything. You can't figure out how you feel about Patrick, let alone how you were going to deal with it without ruining what you had left of a relationship with your brother. Your mind wonders to a realisation you hadn't really paid much attention to. Patrick had crushed on you through high school. This surprises you but explains his weird behaviour both when you were on an archaeology club team together and when you first met in the cafe. Your train of thought reminds you of the song Pete mentions that pertained to be about you. You fired up your phone and jumped back onto Patrick's channel. You follow the link you remember Patrick mentioning and it takes you to a video titled "Me&You". There is a brief introduction where Patrick gives the long name for the song and explains it wouldn't fit on a YouTube video title space. He then hesitates.  _"I know I probably shouldn't mention this but I wrote this song for my high school crush. Sorry kids, you never really get over the ones that get away."_ His voice fades and the song starts.

**_"Last year's wishes_ **

**_Are this year's apologies_ **

**_Every last time I come home_ **

**_I take my last chance_ **

**_To burn a bridge or two_ **

**_I only keep myself this sick in the head_ **

**_Cause I know how the words get you"_ **

Patrick's voice bowls you over as much as it did the first time you heard it.

**_"We're the new face of failure_ **

**_Prettier and younger but not any better off_ **

**_Bulletproof loneliness_ **

**_At best, at best"_ **

**_"Me and you_ **

**_Setting in a honeymoon_ **

**_If I woke up next to you_ **

**_If I woke up next to you_ **

**_Me and you_ **

**_Setting in a honeymoon_ **

**_If I woke up next to you_ **

**_If I woke up next to you"_ **

You turn it off. You can't listen to more. The regret, the sadness, the  _pain_  in his voice is too much for you to handle in your fragile emotional state. One thing is for sure. If this is how he felt when he lost you before even getting you, how would he feel now he had supposedly lost you forever. You had to get to him before it was too late and he did something stupid.

 

Without thought you exit your room. As you walk out into the hall and grab the car keys from the side, Andy looks up from his book.  
"Where are you going?" You don't want to tell him, but you know you can't lie to him anymore.  
"To see Patrick." You say matter-of-factly, continuing to walk toward the door. Andy stands from his chair.  
"I tol-"  
"I know what you told me And. But I - I need to talk to him. I need to sort this all out myself." Andy's frown is so deep you can barely recognise his face. You've never spoken to him in this tone of voice before and you are as confused as he is at your burst of courage.  
"You don't need to Y/N, I've al-"  
"Andy." You walk over and cup his face in your hand. "I appreciate you trying to help me, and I'm still sorry for what I did. But this is between me and Patrick." Andy's mouth is still opening and closing like a goldfish as you leave the building.

You arrive at Patrick's house after a tense drive. Your hands are shaking slightly and you take a moment to compose yourself. You still haven't entirely figured out what you're going to say but you hope something will come out. You need to talk to Patrick, you need to sort this out. Still shaking, you get out of your car and spot Patrick's door is open. You cautiously walk over, twisting your fingers between your hands nervously.  
"Pete?" You move closer and see a familiar face pop up from behind a pile of removal boxes. Two eyes stare into yours before widening instantly.  
"A - Y/N?" You smile hesitantly, but his face is laced with fear. "You - You shouldn't be here." He looks from side to side and hisses. "Quick, go now... Nobody's seen." You furrow your brow in response, confused slightly. "Just go!" His voice is louder now. You hear a set of soft footprints.  
"Who needs to go Pete?" Patrick trails off as he sees you. "Y/N." He says your name with such warmth and surprise that you feel your heart swell. You take a step toward him.  
"Patrick." Your voice betrays the longing you feel to have him in your arms again. He returns it for a while a soft smile beginning to bloom on his lips but then casts his gaze to Pete, eyes hardening instantly.   
"I thought you said she never wanted to see us.. see me ... again." His voice is bordering on dangerous. Pete shrugs but his eyes betray his intimidation.  
"I dunno Trick, maybe she left her jumper here or some shit." Pete's voice is muffled but you take the liberty of correcting him.  
"No... I - I came to make thinks right again." Your eyes lock with Patrick's although he has to fight not to look at the ground. "I came to get my boyfriend back."

Pete looks hard at Patrick.  
"I'm having no part in this." He articulates evenly, though he's now looking at the ground. "If she hasn't had enough of you putting her in danger, so be it. But I ain't sticking around to be skinned by my old best friend." With that he turns to go and you grab him by the arm as he passes you, your eyes staying glued to Patrick for a moment before you force them toward Pete. Pete is avoiding eye contact with you and he looks more miserable than you've ever seen him. You wonder what is going through his mind. The desperation and hope in his eyes when you last met has gone, leaving them sad and dead.  
You open your mouth to speak, but he interrupts you before you can even start.  
"Let's skip past the bit where you remind me how much I failed you. How much I've thrown everything away." His voice is cold and bitter and his movements stiff as he angles his head at Patrick. "Even more than him. I knew what I was doing and I've lost everything in the process." As you gaze him up and down you notice he's looking worse for wear. He hasn't shaved, his shirt looks ruffled and his hair is bordering on wild. Final his eyes flit upwards to meet yours and you notice the sadness inside of them. You drop your hand from his arm and, to his surprise, pull him in close for a tight hug. You mumble words into his body but, noticing he can't hear you, pull your head back and speak aloud.  
"This doesn't mean I'm not pissed with you still." You say and he winces. "But you... you haven't got rid of me that easily Wentza." His wide eyes slowly brighten. "As for Andy... I think he'll come around. He just needs... some time.  Pete looks conflicted but leans down to kiss your hair.   
"I'll leave you two alone." He says quietly, picking up a box next to you and hurrying away toward a van you notice parked opposite to your car. You take a step toward Patrick.  
"Right then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wentzaaaaaaa


	16. Highschool Sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ffffflashback

The first time Patrick saw you were one of the worst days of his life up to that point. It had started in the morning where his mom forgot not to put his favourite hoodie in the dryer and it had shrunk 2 sizes, leaving Patrick with his least favourite baby blue sweater if he wanted to wear something clean. Having had woken up late as it was he had shoved it on along with his other clothes and almost ran out the door. He arrived at school hungry and dishevelled.  Homeroom was the usual shark pit, the name Scrawny Patrick never seemed to get old to some people, which didn’t do much to make Patrick’s morning better. First and second period were a mess of surprise pop quizzes and returned homework with less than satisfactory marks, and third and fourth weren’t much better. (although recess didn’t cause much more extra trouble.) By the time lunch rolled around Patrick was desperate for some respite from the shit-fest that had been his day. He bumped into Brendon, one of his friends from band, and they both began to make their way toward the canteen. Brendon was talking animatedly and Patrick was barely keeping up, fixing a smile on his face in trying to look like he was listening. Brendon was one of his closest friends but he was a handful and Patrick had learned that not all he said was worth listening to, especially when he was hungry. Tuning Brendon out as they entered the canteen he took a good look around him at the people occupying the other tables. He hadn’t really paid attention to the new freshman so far this year as he had been rather over-burdened with school work, so decided now was as good a time as any to scope out who had joined the school. He was wholly unimpressed and uninterested until his eyes catch on one new student in particular. She was laughing with the girls sitting around her, and Patrick couldn’t rationalise why he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her in particular. Once he was seated he interrupted Brendon, who was midway through a story about a senior who was a supposed weed dealer.

“Who’s that?” He said quietly.  Brendon looked around to where Patrick was looking, ignoring the fact he had just been interrupted. 

“The girl in the pink skirt?” Brendon whispered across the table to Patrick, but the canteen was loud enough that only the other nosy members of the band table could really hear them. Patrick nodded and another of his friends, Gabe, joined in.

“hmph, Y/N YL/N? The Freshman kid?” He paused for dramatic effect. “I heard a Junior tried to hit on her and got the shit beaten out of him by her biker brother.” He wrinkled his nose up. “Tryna score these days is getting dangerous.” He turned his attention away from gazing at an unsuspecting you and back to Patrick and Brendon. “Who’s asking anyway?” Brendon inclined his head toward his friend and Gabe raised his eyebrows into the roof. “Dude… Even if you got past the psycho brother that girl is way outta your league.” He frowned in thought. “Believe me, half the guys in here would probably hit on her if given half a chance. I would if I didn’t want two black eyes just to get rejected by a Freshman.” Patrick quickly interjected.

“Whoa, I was asking who she was, not for the colour of her underwear!” Brendon held back a laugh at Patrick's over-defensiveness and Gabe smiled and shrugged, moving the conversation on.

“You remember your drumsticks today?”

 

**

 

Patricks supposed crush on you had become a running joke among his friends by the time he was a junior. He protested violently, which tended to spur Gabe and Brendon on more, but deep inside he knew they were right. You had never really spoken but he felt like he knew you, like some sort of connection when you occasionally made eye contact. Patrick had found himself staring too many a time during lunch and the blush that rose to his cheeks in the very rare you or one of your friends looked back in his general direction had almost turned him into a human tomato. Part of him longed for you to look back, to notice him the same way he noticed you, but his self-esteem couldn’t really be much lower and he had convinced himself that he would never stand a chance with you. He liked to think he looked out for you, though, in little ways. There was that dick in his math class who was talking about ‘accidently’ spilling water on one of your light, flowery blouses that had got a subtle reminder of your ‘crazy and ripped’ brother. The time when you tried to buy tickets to the school orchestra performance after they had all sold out and some had ‘suddenly’ become available. Patrick hadn’t minded sneaking into the wings to watch it, and you seemed to enjoy it. Patrick knew what he was doing was borderline stalker. He knew he didn’t stand a chance. He thought he was a reject; he wouldn’t even have wanted you to be subjected to dating him, though his self-control was so weak he still pictured you and him together in his dreams. When he did manage to actually talk to you for a while in Archaeology club (which he totally didn’t just join because he saw you signing up) he thought he came across as moody and weird, crushing the last fraction of his hope and leaving him feeling ever more isolated. High school was a bad time for Patrick and he thought he was glad to leave it all behind after he graduated, although the thought of never seeing you again dominated his mind as he collected his diploma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if you know the song my title is from and win absolutely nothing


	17. For You I've Waited All These Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice long(er) one to make up for shorties xo

There was a point when he decided it had to change. He wasn’t a bumbling teen anymore. Patrick had worked through a thin veil of depression and low self-worth for too long, and the realisation came suddenly as he was half way through a packet of Oreos, reading nasty comments on his YouTube channel. All those things he used to hate about himself, the baggage that dragged him down in high school, he was in a position to change all that now. He could become the man he never thought he’d be, and prove everyone wrong who taught him to settle with what he had. So Patrick started working out, started eating right, started reaching out to other YouTube channels to make more friends and connections. His skin cleared up, his muscles filled out, and he was starting to get a real following online – with many channels trying to contact him. He tried to enter the dating scene, and although he didn’t find it difficult to get first dates, none of them really worked out. He found his mind drifting to the connection he had felt when he looked at you, and couldn’t seem to find it in any of the women he took out to dinner. He found himself cancelling a date he’d organised and just sitting in his music room staring at the walls. Over the evening and the following week, he pieced together a song (the first one he had written all the lyrics and music for) instead of continuing to spend his evenings in the company of women he felt no inspiration to talk to. He tried to deny that the lyrics were about her - about you – but he wasn’t fooling himself. He realised the truth as he posted the video and began to see the views trickle into a steady flow. You were the last puzzle piece. The last thing he wanted that people told him he couldn’t have. The last thing that would make him perfect, make him a success.  
  
Up until he met you again the space you occupied in Patrick's mind was that of an abstract goal. A mountain he had to climb, a territory to be captured, not a living breathing human being. The moment he saw you emerge from the back door of your café, still looking a bit dishevelled from your lie in, the determination set in his soul was fixated further. He had to have you, had to be with you. Had to prove that he was a real man – that he was worthy of you and everything that entailed. When Andy had phoned to offer him a permanent job he had had to pretend to be less interested, although his heart was racing and plans were already forming in his head. That evening he had been offered a ticket for him and “a friend” to go and see some shit film premiere by another YouTube channel network, desperate for him to sign their bullshit contract. Patrick had found it funny as they ensured the agent, who was an objectively gorgeous woman, specifically mentioned she was going and was almost outrageous in her flirting. Obviously, they were getting very desperate. He was about to tell them that he wasn’t interested in not so many words when he had a brainwave.  
  
When you had rejected his offer, Patrick had just been spurred on more. He couldn’t be discouraged at this small failure, though the doubts were starting to nag at him again. He collected his thoughts and decided to bide his time. After having waited so long for you already, what was a couple more weeks? The night he kissed you was so unprecedented, so natural, that it almost angered him. Here he was, making plans so perfectly lain you couldn’t possibly say no and you go and throw a spanner in the works. But that night he also felt something else. He felt lighter, freer. He felt like thousands of doors had been unlocked for him, like his time had finally come. It was like nothing he had felt before and it was so disorienting in intensity that he barely understood it. He couldn’t control himself and the urge to share his elation was overwhelming. He made a hurried vlog for his channel and posted it, the memory of your lips still on his mind. Patrick didn’t know what had gotten into him. He had your face lodged permanently in his head and couldn’t think of a single thing about you that he would ever want to change. It felt like a slice of heaven had been released to him and he just couldn’t get enough.  
  
She has a boyfriend. Every word like a twist of a knife in his gut. Suddenly all the joy and completeness he had felt evaporated. He had obviously got it wrong. What had he done wrong? He felt like he didn’t belong in the body he was in any more. He had transformed back into adolescent Patrick and he was finally getting the rejection that his friends promised. The dejected man managed to force out some words and as you left he felt his mood sour further. He had done everything right, put everything into straying as far from old Patrick as he possibly could, but with a few short words you had undone everything he had achieved to better himself. He took a deep breath and tried to focus his mind. The bitterness faded away to melancholy and a realisation. You weren’t some magic being that could fix the bitterness of his past, could make him feel better for his own failure. You were a girl. A confused, unhappy, girl, who had seemed to want to kiss him back. A girl that set his heart on fire. A girl that made him smile. Yeah, you might not be the magic cure-all to his problems, but the way you made him feel was no lie. He was desperately, unchangeably in love with you and if you being happy meant not being with him – he realised he’d be OK with that. It was like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. No longer did he feel obliged to constantly improve himself, to make himself into the unobtainable perfect man with the perfect girlfriend. He didn’t even really know what he wanted any more, and he didn’t even care. He promised himself he would learn from his mistakes and try to do good by you, no matter what, or who, you chose.  
  
Before you, he might have got what he wanted. But now he was getting what he needed. His days were filled with light and a sense of completeness that set his body on fire when he saw you. He wanted to tell you about all his secrets but he was too in love to risk you letting him go, there was nothing he could replace you with. You had fixed him without him even trying and he felt like he was finally home.

 

**

 

Patrick's mind is a whirl of emotions. He watches you advance closer to him, shutting the front door fully as it swings to a half close. He had come to accept that you hated him in the last few days, and was ready to go and start again somewhere else where he wouldn't have the painful memories of your near perfect time together. But now you were here? He wasn't sure what to do. There was no way on earth he could articulate how sorry he felt or how much he wanted you back. No way in hell. So instead he just stood there, gormless, looking into your eyes as he relished the unexpected sight.

"Let's get it out the way." You say and Patrick has his attention drawn back to the present. "You put me in danger. You lied to me on an almost daily basis, and it really hurts Trick." Patrick feels his expression falling but tries to keep a brave face. You take a deep breath in and let out a sigh. "I was really angry for a while, I won't lie." You gesture to your face. "I got some nasty marks under all this foundation." Patrick notices his eyes drawn to your still-bandaged arm and he feels the suppressed guilt welling in his chest.

"I'm... so ...sorry." He chokes out, trying to bundle his sincerity into words. 

"I... I know, Patrick." He suddenly feels you wrap your arms around him and gently stroke his back. Patrick's head soon buries into your shoulder.

"I love you." He mumbles and feels your arms tighten.

"I know that too." Your hands move to his hair and you gently stroke it. "That's why I came back, you silly man." Patrick feels like his soul has been returned to him like he is whole again. But then it dawns on him.

"I... I can't put you at risk. I ... You shouldn't have come back." He begins to pull away but you are having none of it. "No really Y/N, it's not safe for you to be with me." Your eyes narrow.

"I don't care." Patrick frowns in confusion.

"Wha-"

"I said I don't care." Your eyes are steely and resolute. "Andy can't control who I'm in love with, neither can you. I love you, and there's nothing you can do about it." You tilt you head up, and Patrick sees the fire in your eyes. "And if that means I'm in danger then so fucking be it. It's my life and I want to spend every moment I can of it with you." Patrick is stunned, his mouth half-open and  love and admiration plastered on his face. 

"Y/N YL/N I don't even half deserve you." He caresses your face. "But godamn it if I'm not going to keep you anyway." His lips are almost immediately on yours and you both feel as if you are flying. His hands wonder to your lower back and press you closer towards him, tracing faint shapes onto your skin through your shirt. You shudder as you feel your mind relax and your lips open. You didn't know how you'd lived without him and hopefully, you would never be reminded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song this title is from is magical and makes me cry fyi


	18. Too Many Tense Reunions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummmm whoops

The doorbell rings and you pull away, Patrick sliding past you to open it.

“Brendon!” He says and embraces the man. “Dude, It’s been too long.”

“You’re damn right it has, guess we’ll have plenty of time to catch up now.” He laughs which Patrick awkwardly reciprocates.

“Before we get into that, let go sit down somewhere.” He notices Pete who seeing the new guest had emerged from the van. “You too Pete.” Patrick turns to notice a stunned expression on your frozen face, eyes locked on his old friend. “Oh, Brendon this is my girlfriend Y/N. You remember he from high school right?” Brendon’s cheerful expression gains a new tone that Patrick can’t quite identify and he nods. Patrick turns his attention back to you. “And this is Brendon, a recently rediscovered friend of mine.” You awkwardly incline your head in a nod of acknowledgment. Patrick is very confused by both of your behaviours, and even more so when he notices Pete frowning at Brendon as you all walk into the lounge. Once seated on the remaining sofas the circle of awkward looks continues. Patrick is about to ask everyone what is going on when Brandon breaks the silence.

“So..Um” He gestures to you both. “You’re not both staying at mine, are you?” His eyes widen and he starts to ramble, speaking so fast you can barely keep up. “I mean not that it would be an issue, it’s just that you said it was just you and Pete and I dunno if I’ve really got the room for a girl. Not that girls take up room. Or um that I’d be like keeping her. Um…” Patrick holds his hands up.

“Whoa! Take it easy dude.” 

Brendon stops, glances at you then looks adamantly in the other direction tapping his foot repetitively against the hard oak floor. Pete suddenly stands and walks closer to Brendon.  
Brendon jumps out of his skin as Pete advances. You get up to try and calm him but Patrick holds you back in confusion, what was going on?  
"Am I missing something here?" Patrick pleads, trying to make sense of the situation. Pete doesn't turn his head as he speaks.  
"Y/N, you've met Brendon before - am I right?" Patrick answers before you can.  
"Well we did go to the same school Pete, I think I remember them talking once at a party but we were in different years... what are you getting at?" At this comment, you and Brendon both blush heavily. Pete and Patrick both look between you and for one of them, it clicks.  
"Talked, eh?" Pete spits. "And to think I went so hard on Joe when the real culprit escaped." Brendon's eyes widen and you stare at the floor.  Patrick suddenly pieces it together and his face goes white as a sheet.

In his head, Patrick travels back to a long-forgotten graduation party. He had rather reluctantly turned up, but he heard that there might move booze so made an effort to attend on that basis. Brendon had come with him and the two were standing by the meagre drinks selection when it happened. Y/N walked past in a pale blue and white polka dot dress, blonde curls spilling off other scalp and resting on her shoulders. At the time Patrick had thought Brendon's staring was nothing out of the ordinary but he now considers it in a different light. He had asked his friend to wingman, promising himself he would go and talk to her - before his last opportunity passed. Alas to say it did not happen. It was as the party was in full swing that Brendon had announced to him that he was going to try and hit on her on his behalf. His friend was mildly drunk at this point but Patrick couldn't be arsed to stop him. Worst case scenario they would never see her again. He had waited for a while but got distracted talking to a boy called William and ended up doing quite a few shots. Up until this point, he hasn't considered what occurred between you two in that period of time but now it's all his mind can deal with.

You want to speak and write it all off as in the past but your mouth seems incapable of functioning. That night, that night so long ago it felt like a dream. You had managed to score an invite to the senior graduation party from the captain of your badminton team and had dressed up extra special for the occasion. You were especially proud of how you had colour coordinated your eye shadow and your shoes. The reasoning for this extra effort came down to the senior boys that would be there, you were tired of your friends talking about their great lays and happy relationships - you wanted to finally get some action and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. When, halfway into the party, Brendon Urie - one of the most beautiful human beings in the school - had come over to talk to you, you did not regret your decision. Nor did you when you tipsily danced with him. Nor did you when his mouth was on yours and especially not when you ended up in a bedroom in the house with his skin touching you in so many places you lost track of what was you and what was him. It was a shame he didn't stay in contact much afterwards, but you passed it off as him going to college and instead was able to brag about who you had managed to seduce after graduation.

 

The tension in the room is making it almost difficult to breathe. Patrick is staring at a very interesting piece of carpet fibre, Pete is worrying his lower lip - glaring at Brendon - and you and your ex-lover are desperately avoiding eye contact. Brendon stands up suddenly.

"Look, guys, I'm really sorry but I don't think this is going to work out." The words fall from his mouth and he blushes furiously as he says them. There's a moment of still tense silence. Patrick then nods, still looking at the floor, and Pete clenches his jaw slightly. You and Brendon make eye contact for a few painful seconds, you do reflect that he still is a particularly attractive specimen, and then he speaks up again.

"Will you be OK finding somewhere else?" Patrick replies, not moving his eyes.

"I'm sure we'll be fine." His tone is friendly but it sounds forced and as Brendon awkwardly makes his way out of the building, clanking the door shut behind him, you reach out to touch his hand. You worry for a second that he won't take it back but he laces his fingers into yours and squeezes your fingers lightly. You know he must be feeling shitty but you are glad he isn't directing it at you. Pete still looks a bit pissed off, he's frowning darkly, but you know how volatile his moods are and you suppose it won't last long. It was so long ago; he's probably just pissed off he didn't spot you sneaking out to the party I'm the first place. You hadn't really considered how close friends Patrick and Brendon were, but now you reflect on it, it seems obvious. They always ate lunch together, shared most of their classes. You know it wasn't really much of Patrick's business but you feel like you should have told him. He found out in the worst way, but he still seems to be taking the news that you slept with his best friend pretty well, better than the men you are used to being around would have. He lets go of your hand and wraps an arm tightly around your shoulders, burying his head in your hair. You see it as an act of comfort but Pete notices it for what it was intended - an act of possession. Patrick obviously was trying to gain back control of the situation by reminding himself that, in the end, it was him and not Brendon you had fallen for. It was him you were dating and nobody else.

Pete decides to confront one of the elephants in the room.

"Trick, where the fuck are you going to go now?" Patrick looks away from you and at Pete, realisation dawning on his face. "I can stay in my office until I can get a new place like I used to, but there's only just room for one." Patrick looks like he is on the edge of panicking. You think hard. It probably won't work. What will Andy say? What will you say? In the midst of conflicting thoughts and feelings you decide you can't let Andy hold you back any longer, nor can you let him be held back by you. Suddenly a plan forms and you try to ebb the tide of anxiety that is lapping in the eyes of the man you love.

"He can stay with me."

All eyes are on you now. Pete looks like he's thinking but Patrick looks sceptical.

"Thanks for the offer Y/N, but I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, your bro-" He says, but you interrupt him at the mention of Andy.

"I don't give two shits what he thinks, I've been paying half the mortgage for almost a year now -  I have a right to let my boyfriend stay for a while." Your voice betrays your anger yet you feel calmed by Patrick's warm presence beside you. "I'm not letting you go out on the street cause my brother can't accept I've grown up." Patrick nods thoughtfully and Pete chimes in.

"It's the best idea we got going Trick." His voice quietens slightly. "I can try and talk to him, explain the whole thing a little better. The least I can do is try and help, even if I don't stand a chance of getting my friend back." You smile gratefully at Pete.

"It's worth a try... It'll be an uphill struggle but I think we can do it." You begin to feel optimistic about your prospects.

"Babe, I still don't really feel OK intruding on your brother’s life like this... I've caused him enough hassle and pain already." Patrick dashes your hope in a brief second, a sad frown on his face. "Anyway, all my recording stuff would need to go somewhere and I can't just clog up your flat like that." You weigh up what your boyfriend has just said. He's right, for the most part. You realise what you are really asking from your brother, you know you want more independence but you don't think he'd be able to cope with you and Patrick sharing a room under the same roof as him. You think of the awkward meals and it's enough to dampen your expression fully. Pete sees this and hesitates.

"There... There might be a solution to this." He ponders and you tilt your head at him.

"Spill."

"A couple weeks back Andy... got scouted." Your expression is blank; you have no idea what he's talking about. Pete sighs and explains. "We were doing the memorial 100 at state fair a while back" you remember Andy taking about winning something but you tend to tune out. "and someone from NASCAR came up to him after the win. Offered him a spot up at the state fairground track, all expenses paid." You frown, trying to figure out why he hasn't told you.

"Why didn't he-" but then feel numb as you realise why he must have turned it down and your mouth drops into a soft, sad "oh". Patrick tightens his arm around you and you move closer to him to try and comfort yourself. Of course, it was you... It was always you. Pete knaws on the inside of his cheek before speaking.

"Theoretically, He could contact them. See if the offer is still on, see if they are still willing to provide him with a flat up there." You look at Patrick and he looks back - curious yet still concerned.

"I'll phone him and see if me and Trick can come over. We can talk it through and see if it's an option." You say slowly and Pete frowns, yet says nothing in protest. You know he wanted to come but someone needs to watch Patrick's stuff and you needed your boyfriend there with you. Patrick bites his lip, anxiously.

"I... Y/N, it's - it's up to you."  Your phone is open in a split second, Andy's contact quickly making its way to your screen. You don't hesitate as you press your finger against the "CALL" option, but your heart beats heavy in your throat and you try to plan your world before your brother picks up.

"Y/N?" He sounds worried. "Are you OK?" Real worried. You hurriedly put his mind to rest.

"I'm fine Andy, a-OK, really." You hear his sigh of relief and almost put off asking him.

"What’s up? Why the call?" Oops. Left without time to find a lie, you are forced to roll with the original plan.

"Well, we've obvious got lots to talk about Andy. I mean... We need to talk through everything fully, get it all out of the way."

"Um, what?"

"You know...We need to talk about... everything." There is a pause

"And why did you need to phone me to tell me this?" You try and get it out softly.

"Well in this 'we' ..."

"Patrick?" His voice is harsh. "You want him back on my property?"

"Well... um yeah, I was getting to that."

"I'm not averse to getting the whole story if that's what you want from me Y/N. But there is no way he is coming here." You frown, why does he have to be so difficult?

"You come here then. Easy" At the sound of your words both Pete and Patrick's eyes widen to the size of saucers. Your brother sighs.

"If it'll make you happy. I'll come."

"Thank you so much, And. See you in a few."  Andy hangs up and you are left with two panicked men in front of you.

 

**

 

Nobody says anything for a moment, but Patrick lets go of your shoulder and drops his hand onto the sofa. You look around at his face and notice how terrified he looks.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You say, trying to pull yourself even closer to the fear-stricken man. He looks up at you and you can see him consciously make an effort to appear less afraid.

“I… I’m OK Y/N.” He shuffles away from you slightly and your shoulders sink in rejection. What is his problem? You look to Pete for help, but he is frowning and not much use.

“You – We don’t have to move in if you’re not comfortable with it.” You viciously backtrack to try and put your boyfriend at ease. “I mean we’ve never lived together before and, we might not be ready for it and-“  You are cut off but Patrick taking you hard by the shoulders.

“It’s not that. Of course its not that.” His eyes drop from where they were boring into yours. “I just don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, all I do is make your life harder and this is no exception.” You lean your forehead so it touches his and warp your arms around his torso.

“Stop being silly, we’ve talked about this already Trick.”

“I love you” He whispers, and you are about to lean forward the few millimetres to kiss him when you remember Pete is in the room. Instead, you reluctantly pull away.

“Remember, he is actually reasonable once you get past all his…. Anger.” You run your fingers across Patrick's hand. “It’ll be fine.” You don’t even know who you are trying to convince at this point. “It’ll all be fine.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tries my best to write Brendon, live with it xo


	19. Like A Jigsaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't realised how close to the end we were xo

By the time there is a knock on the door you are regretting your decision. Pete and Patrick had tried to clear away some of the boxes so Andy could at least get through, but you know Patrick was embarrassed about the state of the place anyway.  You jump up to answer the door, knowing that anyone else would get this off to a particularly bad start. The moment you see Andy's face you have to stop yourself from stepping forward into his arms to comfort yourself. He's always been there for you, through thick and thin, and you don't entirely know how to cope without him. You open your mouth to greet him, but what comes out is,  
"Pete's here too." Which seems to change your brothers expression from once of forced neutrality to open hostility, though he doesn't say anything. You step aside to let him in and take him into the lounge. Both men jump out their seats as he enters. Pete half goes to walk toward him, but changed his mind and excuses himself, walking out the other entrance and into the kitchen. Patrick just stands there awkwardly and only takes a seat when you and Andy do. You know sitting next to Patrick will piss Andy off before you've even started, but you can't sit next to him and properly communicate - so you settle for sitting on the footstool near the fireplace.

You begin with the line you'd already decided on.  
"This isn't just about Patrick. This is about me." Andy's face doesn't waver. "I'm almost 25 now Andy, I need my own life, I can't be holding you back anymore." He looks like he's about to protest but you try not to give him the opportunity. "Pete told me about the NASCAR deal Andy. You shouldn't have turned that down! You should have had to turn it down..." You quieten toward the end of your sentence. "It's not fair for either of us." Andy looks angry.  
"What does this have to do with anything, huh? I can't just leave you to live alone - especially with your night terrors this bad. What if you hurt yourself badly? What if more of those maniacs pick on you?" At his final sentence his eyes meet Patrick's and a corner of his lip rises in a snarl.   
"Andy, you must have noticed it. My night terrors have only come back when I've been without Patrick. They're not about the attack, they are about you being angry with me and never seeing my boyfriend again." You take a breath to try and stay rational and calm. "I wouldn't be alone either. I want to move in with Patrick - I want him to move in with me, at least until he can figure out what he wants to do." Behind the dark in Andy's eyes you can see him rationally processing this like he does computer code. "I know you hate your job Andy. The café was doing well enough to support me and I'm sure it still will." You have to press together your lips to hold back the tears. "You gave me my dream, and now I just want you to have yours."

 

The conflict in his eyes is undeniable. His brow is borrowed and his teeth clenched but you know he is just desperately debating both sides. You know it could sway both ways, Andy could agree with you or he could out your ideas to rest once and for all. You consider what you would do if he shot you down, moving out with Patrick is always an option - you'd hate to abandon your brother and your café like that but you know that you'd do it... For Patrick.  
His mouth opens slightly and eventually his entire body slacks slightly, as if in defeat.  
"I'm not going to convince you to leave him, am I?" You nod your head resolutely and he grimaces further. He knows you would be safer at your flat with Patrick than somewhere else but his aversion to the man is raging an emotional war inside his skull. You are so tense you can barely move and a feeling of anxious nausea is rising inside of you. He will agree - he ** _has_**  to. Patrick is sat on the edge of the sofa and you bite hard on the inside of your cheek as Andy begins to deliver his final verdict.  
"I guess we could make this work."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this chapter is a little rushed of an ending but as I'm just posting it the way it was written I have left it be.
> 
> Stay tuned for epilogue.


	20. Curtain Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet xo

 

_** **Two Months Later** **_

 

You awake to the rude sound of your alarm, as usual. The warmth of the light on your face and the softness of the sheets that encase you go some way to comfort you from the sound still echoing in your ears.  
Eventually you slip out of your bed and clock the empty space beside you. Patrick must already be up. As you dress and open the bedroom door you can hear the gurgling of the coffee machine and the soft pad of a pair of feet in the kitchen. Patrick turns to see you, two mugs in his hands and a smile blooms on his face as he sees you.  
"Guess I'm a little late to wake you up with coffee." He laughs, smile extending sheepishly. You jokingly shake your head in disappointment and watch him put the coffee mugs on the side he is close to and move closer. You don't even hesitate before you find yourself in his arms, with his arms wrapped tight against your waist and his face nestled on the top of your head. You tried to enjoy the moment as soon you must go down to open the café, but the soft warmth of his arms around you eased the thoughts from your mind. You wonder what Andy is doing right now. He could be up early to work on his bike, but you doubt it. You've seen his Facebook photos and decide he's probably nursing a horrific hangover from his victory celebrations yesterday. You wish you had made it over for that race but you had your hotel booked for the next one and you were excited to see your big brother in action, doing what he loves. You talked to him at least once a week on the phone and he seemed so happy it really lifted your spirits. Patrick gently releases you and presses a mug of hot coffee into your hands. "Drink up, we need to open soon honey." You roll your eyes and let the hot, bitter taste wash across your mouth. Patrick had moved in as soon as he could and his close presence in your life had become the norm now. Your eyes wonder to Andy's old room that now serves as Patrick's makeshift studio - PC's, screens, lights and cameras strew in front of a tightly pulled green screen. You had been in there a few times but tended to avoid it so as not to mess up any of Patrick's things. The takings from the café had been keeping steady so you were able to perfectly afford the full mortgage payments with the half you got from Patrick and you feel fully and finally secure in your life. You can hear Patrick humming as he waits for you by the door and decide to break out of you wondering thoughts and face the rest of your perfect day.

_**FIN ~~** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, if you made it this far I commend your spirit and dedication and thank you for your time. I'm aware my writing is kinda ass but this was just sitting on my PC gathering dust and as a fellow admirer of Reader Insert fics I am aware of their rarity (especially completed ones) so leaving it up unfinished seemed like an ass-hole thing to do. 
> 
> Confessions:   
> 1) This was never written to be read by the "general public"  
> 2) I am only a very occasional fan of FOB (fic not written for me)  
> 3) I listen to too much Coldplay (can you tell)  
> 4) I literally gave up editing it  
> 5) thats it, im sorry, you can go now


End file.
